Hello,
I’ve never really used mumsnet other than for lurking purposes but I’m in a bit of a situation and whilst I have all the motivation to change my life for the better I have very limited access to support via friends and no family other than my own children, so hoping I can get support and advice through here.
Ive been with husband for almost 10 years, married for almost 3. I fell pregnant after 6 months together (I have two girls from a previous relationship at this point) and to be honest it wasn’t long after finding out I was pregnant that his financial situation became clear and whilst I’m sure (at that point) his debt levels weren’t the worst, he was definitely financially irresponsible. This behaviour has continued throughout our relationship up until this year, for various reasons some his fault some not. He has been working to change his behaviour, but he still manages money poorly although better than before.
ive always felt like there was something off in our relationship but could never quite put my finger on it until recently and to be honest, it is very hard to describe but if it could, it’s like persistent gas lighting, situational manipulation, minor controlling behaviour. It was after watching tell me lies on Disney, that I started to see some similarities between the main characters and my husband and I, whilst not as dramatic as the programme, it definitely opened my eyes and made me see things differently.
ive spoken to him about this behaviour and he is adamant he is going to change and it’s been a few days and he is making changes. But I know the drill and been here before so i am very sceptical he can keep this up.
Our rental house is going on up for sale at the end of our tenancy, and im not currently working, so buying isn’t an option. I’ve made some plans of where im moving to at the end of the tenancy, so I have a housing plan in place in case things don’t go right.
But due to the relationship, I’ve become somebody im not, im very isolated and don’t know how to live my life anymore. I’ve become very dependant on my husband and this needs to change. But I really don’t know how to. I developed depression following the birth of our second son together last year which I take medication for.
if anyone could offer some positive advice and support I would be hugely grateful.
ive tried to keep this post as short as possible, because in actual fact things have been pretty shit for a long time and unforgivable things have happened that I’m still healing from.
thanks.