Its a long one. Sorry…..Married in 2018 to dh - 1 step kid and one of our own. SIL got drunk at our wedding and said a couple of weird insulting things to my friends about my husband and daughter. I heard about this through friends and was upset. Asked my husband to speak to sil about it. She denied she’d said anything but came back with a load of counter accusations about things that he’d done in the past but that she’d never made an issue of it because he’s her brother. Result - dh and sil didn’t speak for ages. Also in laws gave us no wedding gift at all - the only guests in fact to give no gift. Other ‘weddingy’ issues too but not worth mentioning and outing.
Fast forward three years and various attempts on our part to resolve it - my husband met up to talk, thought it was resolved but then weeks later she had a 60th bday party and invited all family apart from ours….. FIL has made attempts to get everyone together to sort it out but SIL and Mil not interested.
Tried to maintain relationship with PIL throughout but MIL took SIL’s side from offset and refused to listen to our side of things or even discuss in person. Only ever communicated on the subject by letter and never asked to hear our side. On the few occasions we saw her, nothing was ever mentioned about it and she acted like everything was fine.
Christmas etc they visit SIL who lives minutes from us but MIL always refuses to pop to ours despite claiming how much she wants to see her grandkids. FIL has normally but not always come to ours to see grandkids.
This year they went to see SIL and FIL told us they’d pop in. The day came and he text to say he wasn’t coming and that he’d explain some time. DD was disappointed obvs. No present for her either.
Next day we hear that MIL and FIL did drop money round to stepchild at ex’s house (acrimonious relationship with husband) but obvs didn’t give our child anything. Clearly done to spite us. (In years prior, all kids presents have come to us. No involvement needed from ex). Relationship between DH and ex difficult enough as it is and in laws are well aware of this and had no contact with her prior to this drama.
MIL has also told DH that she wants to rebuild a relationship with his ex (who had an affair and told dh he had to move out). Clearly done to spite as they never had a close relationship when she was with DH anyway.
SIL has now finally communicated with DH by lengthy text basically saying that whilst she loves him, I am the problem and that I never liked her and her family but she has no idea why. (Things were fine until the wedding. Regular visits to each others houses, went to gym classes together etc. She was invited to the hen do - didn’t come.) she’s also finally admitted being drunk and saying insulting things but that they were taken out of context and as her brother he should’ve known that.
There is more to this but it bores me tbh.
My sane mind tells me that they’re all nuts and we’d be best to sever all contact but at the end of the day, they’re my husband’s family and that’s quite a big step to take. My DH is just dumb struck and clearly hurt by all of this, particularly the contact with his ex. He’s the nicest person ever and unfortunately they’ve always taken the piss. Since the day he called his sister out and started putting boundaries up they’ve been pissed off that he’s dared to step out of his place and this vendetta has ensued with me as the scape goat.
My question is - how do you deal with people like that? I’ve tried to stay out of it until now and let my husband try and resolve it but she’s trying to blame it all on me now and my patience is wearing thin. I know the issues are theirs and that ultimately they don’t want to make up because this drama gives their lives a sense of purpose but it’s hard to just ignore, especially when they’re trying to rock the boat by going through the ex. Even if we cut them off they’d still try and get to us through her (under the guise of them wanting a relationship with their grandkid). How do you deal with such poison?