Nostalg with me?

[iwasgonnasay]

Wine? Christmas? Not sure what brought me down nostalgia lane tonight but I'm hiking
Join me?
I'm reminiscing of former relationships. The ones I can't let go of. There is THE one that got away. Always thought it was because I "wasn't good enough"
My first sexual experience (all and I mean ALL of them) from 14 to 19
He was older. 4-5 years. I was head over heels in love with him. He kept me at arms length. Then it went full on, bf and gf without the label.
Then it stopped. He started a new relationship with someone else. Out of the blue
I felt like I was cut off from my power supply
12 years down the line I still feel like I just wasn't good enough to settle for
But then I look at who he married and think she's everything I'm not but in all the ways I was scared I was! She's overweight she's quite plain. I thought I was too fat and ugly but compared to who he married I think I'm not! I know that's a horrible thing to say but it's my perspective from teen memories of how I felt then. I'm sure she's lovely and she's beautiful in her way but teen me would be shocked. I'm married within a child yet so often my mind wanders back to him. And i always want to ask WHY?! Why NOT ME? What was it? I vaguely remember him once sayid his mum warned him I was too young. But we had such a connection! It still haunts me to this day. Was I TOO into it? Did he think I liked him TOO much? Is that even a THING? I don't know but every time I have a drink or feel sexy or even listen to good music i think of him and wonder if he thinks of me ever?

Tell me if you have a similar story or any similar experiences?!

So he was sleeping with an underage girl? 12 years on and you're pulling another woman apart on her appearance? I think you need some therapy OP

Haha how did i know that's the response I'd get? Two horny teenagers and yes I have an opinion on another woman
SHOCKER 😱

Typical unhelpful post.

Hate bait? Doubt there's no one who's felt similar and maybe didn't want to have a heart with a close pal just wanted mere chat with someone who might've felt similar but it's always the monsters who get there first

PP isn’t a “monster”. An 18-19 year old man having sex with a 14 year old child isn’t OK. I think it probably is sound advice to suggest you seek some therapy to help you move forward.

🍿

Ignore some of the strange responses on here okay.

I think it's natural to feel nostalgia for past relationships. I've had this on and off in the past for different relationships.

Sometimes I think it's triggered my missing that time in our lifes or who we were then. If you're feeling not good enough, this story can be something that feeds that. But just because you didn't end up together doesnt mean you weren't good enough.

I can assure you that you are good enough 💜

But why hone in on that. Physical Sex started at 17 actually.

@JamSandle thank you!! At least that makes sense. Feeling low leading to missing a time in your life where you felt
Life was your oyster.. bless you thank you for your kind words. Why do we women always blame ourselves!?

bless you thank you for your kind words. Why do we women always blame ourselves!?

how bizarre to try to assert some kind of sisterhood when you're calling a woman fat and ugly because you're jealous that your ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago prefers her to you.

I'm not a monster OP. The advice was genuine. 'Some' women 'blame' themselves because they have low self esteem, it's the same beast that drives you to compare your looks to another woman. Therapy will help you to understand why, as a grown woman, you're still giving this predatory man head space.

But in your OP he was your “first sexual experience from 14 to 19”.

It's fairly normal to feel a bit nostalgic over old relationships and teenage years. However this particular relationship, given the inappropriate age gap and the way he dropped you, almost certainly involved a power imbalance which possibly explains why you are still hung up on it over a decade later and experiencing self-doubt. PP's suggestion of therapy is still a good one.

Wow. Wording on here truly defines everything. He was 4 years older give or take some months. My first truly romantic relationship which developed between those years from crush to lust. We were both still teenagers to begin with and didn't engage in physical sexual activity until I was over 16. Why is that the focal point? My DH is 4 years older than me. We met when I was 19, but assume that's ok? I also didn't hate on anyone. The woman he's married is clinically overweight- and she doesn't dress or make herself up to the nines for photos so I used the word plain. Most people would probably use the same or similar word for me. I didn't criticise her in anyway. My point was she wasn't much different to me!!! Hence wondering what was "wrong" with me way back then. Are we not entitled to these thoughts of wonderment? Are they not at all normal? A point for discussion? No, just get therapy?! Wtaf

Id ignore them OP. Honestly a lot of people have really weird views and put everything into boxes. Lots of pearl clutching.

Nothing you've said is weird or wrong. Nostalgia is perfectly normal.

Sorry some people are being so thoughtless. Sadly Mumsnet has been like this a lot lately. Please don't personalise anything from people who don't know you and you're life. 💜

I think it's worth looking at why this man's opinion of you means so much to you. He's just one person. We sometimes can't define/explain our own feelings, so why do you need to find an explanation for his? Why is it so important who he chooses to be best?

It will be rooted in what you think of you. The issue isn't anything to do with him personally, or the relationship between the two of you, or his current relationship and how you compare to her. The issue is your relationship with yourself.

Why do you think anything would have to be 'wrong' with you, in order for someone to choose someone else? If you choose the chocolate brownie for pudding, is it because you think that there's something wrong with sticky toffee pudding or apple pie? Or are they great desserts, but just not for you right now?

But looks is just a part of it? And she might not look like much to you but to him she could be the most beautiful in the world.. because of the connection between them. You can't create that or force it.. it's natural chemistry. Her personality will be more suited to his.

The way you're typing comes across as hyper, obsessive, neurotic.. and that's 12 years later, so god knows what you were like to be with then.