Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nearly 1 year since leaving marriage...

6 replies

Scaffoldtosky · 30/12/2022 23:05

This time last year I was deciding to leave my marriage. I had a lot of counselling to realise the error of my own bad communication and horrible behaviour at times, and also realised it wasn't all me to blame for the marriage breakdown. I posted a lot of here (similar name) and I agonised about the future to the point of being physically unwell. I posted a lot on here to try and seek advice on what the hell to do. I begged and begged Ex H to talk about the marriage, about possibly separating, about the future of DC and what it would mean to co parent. The marriage counsellor even begged him to talk. All met with silent treatment for months on end so I left. I found a new home for me and DC and left. There were no words exchanged between me and Ex H even up to me leaving. He acted like nothing was happening, even as I moved all me and DC stuff out, still acts like nothing has happened. I felt guilty, bereft and desperate but left with little other choice.

This year I have made a cosy lovely home for me and DC. I have tried to build some friendships for me and DC. I have swept aside all my negative feelings, any feelings about Ex H to concentrate on co parenting. I've worked on being a calmer and more balanced person and a better mum to DC. I have worked on being fair and kind as a co parent even though my mind and heart is in a million pieces about the end of the marriage and splitting up of the family. I have put aside any ill feeling toward Ex despite having no closure about the marriage ending. I have mustered all the bravery, emotional and physical strength to do it all. I have allowed Ex all the access he wanted. I didn't ask for, demand or even mention overnights or child maintenance for nearly 1 year so I could really see how little he actually offered (he offered neither until I finally asked in late November). I cried in secret only this Christmas so I could continue giving DC a good Christmas with enough contact with Ex.

I'm feeling lonely and bereft inside but also a sense of hope and achievement that I ended a unhappy chapter and started a new one for me and DC.

Not sure what the point of this post is, just wanted to put in writing where I've got to and to say thanks to those who previously posted on my threads last year.

OP posts:
Fleurdaisy · 30/12/2022 23:54

That’s a huge way to come in a year, I hope you’re justifiably proud of yourself. You’ve not done all this just for yourself, you’ve made a secure, happy, cosy home and future, for your dc too.
All I can say is, it does get easier. I can remember having a very financially poor Christmas where I struggled to get what I thought were adequate presents. My DDs have no recollection of it being poor or lacking in any way.
Keep doing what you’re doing. 💐

BraveGoldie · 31/12/2022 00:12

Well done OP. Sounds like you have taken liars of positive steps this year. I hope this means you have laid the foundation stones for real happiness in 2023.

Give yourself a warm pay on the back as you see the New Year in! 🎉

SunflowerTed · 31/12/2022 00:37

Well done you for finding the strength and resilience. You will be happy again x

Scaffoldtosky · 01/01/2023 15:48

Thanks for the replies. Happy New Year everyone.

Ex collected DC this morning for overnight stay. I'm feeling incredibly lonely but have caught up on sleep today. I am sure this gets easier.

OP posts:
Grenola · 01/01/2023 17:52

Well down…. And just to say you have DONE it.

my year was a mirror linage of yours…. and I’ve found this Xmas period has really made me stop and be ok my own more and cry and cry and cry. The floodgates have opened, and it’s all come out!
all year I was in survival, and like just wanting to make my kids feel safe and happy. And now it’s catching up on me. All the hurt and sadness and anger needs to come through.

just be prepared that it will come and it’s ok. It’s normal.

happy new year, to a year that doesn’t involve all that shit and heartache and trying. Because it’s the trying and wondering if leaving is right that drains u so much.

ax

blondiepinka · 01/01/2023 20:29

You've come so far OP. Well done, you've honestly been amazing.

Things WILL get better. I promise.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread