This time last year I was deciding to leave my marriage. I had a lot of counselling to realise the error of my own bad communication and horrible behaviour at times, and also realised it wasn't all me to blame for the marriage breakdown. I posted a lot of here (similar name) and I agonised about the future to the point of being physically unwell. I posted a lot on here to try and seek advice on what the hell to do. I begged and begged Ex H to talk about the marriage, about possibly separating, about the future of DC and what it would mean to co parent. The marriage counsellor even begged him to talk. All met with silent treatment for months on end so I left. I found a new home for me and DC and left. There were no words exchanged between me and Ex H even up to me leaving. He acted like nothing was happening, even as I moved all me and DC stuff out, still acts like nothing has happened. I felt guilty, bereft and desperate but left with little other choice.
This year I have made a cosy lovely home for me and DC. I have tried to build some friendships for me and DC. I have swept aside all my negative feelings, any feelings about Ex H to concentrate on co parenting. I've worked on being a calmer and more balanced person and a better mum to DC. I have worked on being fair and kind as a co parent even though my mind and heart is in a million pieces about the end of the marriage and splitting up of the family. I have put aside any ill feeling toward Ex despite having no closure about the marriage ending. I have mustered all the bravery, emotional and physical strength to do it all. I have allowed Ex all the access he wanted. I didn't ask for, demand or even mention overnights or child maintenance for nearly 1 year so I could really see how little he actually offered (he offered neither until I finally asked in late November). I cried in secret only this Christmas so I could continue giving DC a good Christmas with enough contact with Ex.
I'm feeling lonely and bereft inside but also a sense of hope and achievement that I ended a unhappy chapter and started a new one for me and DC.
Not sure what the point of this post is, just wanted to put in writing where I've got to and to say thanks to those who previously posted on my threads last year.