How to get out of my own head

[bumblebeechicken]

I keep convincing myself I’m ruining my own relationship!

I’m going through a bit of a hard time at the moment for various reasons. My mood has dropped significantly, I’m finding work stressful, I’m finding it hard to carry out daily tasks, I’ve just found out I have a significant b12 deficiency and I’m currently awaiting an ADHD assessment.

I’m finding it hard to find the energy to do anything and I’m worried it’s taking a toll on DP. Sometimes when I’m with him I don’t feel as fun as I used to be, we’re not having sex as much and some days I’ve just cried on his shoulder.

We’re only a year in in so I worry I’ll ruin it.
He constantly tells me it’s all okay, to focus on getting better, I’ve not ruined anything and he’d be there to help me through it forever if it means he’d be with me.

But I just can’t stop beating myself up and I think it’s making myself worse. I’m so hyper aware that we’re not having sex as much or I’m being as fun as I used to be, and I just can’t stop beating myself up and I’m worried it’s taking it’s toll.

How do I stop this?

Can you work out why you feel like this? Were you punished/neglected/told off for feeling anything other than happy when you were a kid? Have you witnessed anyone else being treated poorly for being unhappy?

Thank you @Watchkeys for replying :). In fairness I grew up in a bit of a belittling household. Also been in a relationship where I was love bombed and he lied about all his feelings

Probably you fell for the love bombing because you were desperate for external validation, having not had it previously in your life. Have you investigated the idea of self validation? The idea is to be your own best support, so that if the rest of the world fails you, you still feel supported and taken care of: having your own back/being on your own side, basically. Beating yourself up is the opposite of self validation. And self validation is what you (and everyone) need to feel confident that you're good enough to maintain a happy, healthy relationship.

Maybe have a look here

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/pieces-mind/201407/self-validation