Sorry this is long.
This Christmas break I've been reflecting on my marriage.
DH has clearly wanted sex (last happened in April this year, as he reminded me). Groping, asking for an early night. Absolute turn off. Hate being groped, we have young boys and he does this in front of them. Also, when hes had a drink (i dont drink/very rarely drink alcohol), hate having sex with a drunk, they smell and arent quite with it iykwim!!! Plus the kids are always around!
Aprils shag was again drunk (him) and he ended up shouting at me about something which he blew out of proportion. We had gone away for the night and he had ruined it by day drinking and getting too drunk
Anyway, as id said no to his advance this week, hes literally been like a mardy child. Making comments, silent/atmosphere between us, really grumpy. Left the house almost in a huff making me feel bad.
He is the worst person with money. We keep finance’s separate. Im good at saving and, although we earn similar (him more than me with his bonuses), i always pay for so much more as he doesnt seem to have the funds. We pay halves on everything and I generally have to ask him for his half or he would happily let me pay. Take for example This Christmas, its an annual thing you know, i save all year. I say to him- you need to save (he gets bonuses during the year for christ sake) but hes just incapable of any forethought. So now, ive paid for the kids Christmas (you know.. come up with the ideas, bought and wrapped etc) and low and behold, he cant pay me half as he hasnt saved it up. So frustrating. He always has money for nights away with mates/pub/boxes of beer though!
His drinking, daily 4-5 cans a night, will go pub too Thurs/Sat for a couple as well as the cans, plus wine etc. id estimate he’s around 80 units a week. Says he just likes a drink but doesn’t drink anymore than mates. I feel quite lonely at times. He likes to spend his evenings drinking whilst i do the kids. He says to me that i only need to ask and he will do any of the jobs, but why am i the boss? He knows what needs doing and quite honestly, if i ask him to help with the kids, there is no patience and it becomes quite shouty. Then he huffs and slams doors. Hes blown up at me a couple of times recently and called me a fucking bitch in front of/within earshot of the kids. It’s horrible when hes in that mood.
Weve been together 15 years. Currently in rented, looking to buy a house but honestly the thought of him shouting at me, drinking like he does fills me with dread. I guess ive been putting off finding THE house (excuses) because of this. I just daydream im in my own place with the boys.
i feel like things have to change. Were both not happy but neither will admit/change things