Minor but frustrating issue - exb

[sdra]

This is a minor but still frustrating issue that has been bugging me on and off for years so I'd like some words of wisdom for how to deal with it.
Back story - was with exb over 20 years ago so this is a long long ago relationship. We were together for 2.5 years. Much has happened obviously over those 20 years, and I thought we were quite good friends. e.g. I supported him when his mum was in hospital, he was kind to me when I was going through a rough time about 15 years ago, I supported him when he went through a divorce.
After he got divorced he decided to go away travelling for a few years and I went to his leaving party. All chummy. Nothing else. I then got married and have had two DC since then and we chatted occasionally online. All v jokey. He came back 6 years ago and I was excited to catch up but he has basically fobbed me off meeting up for a coffee ever since.
I felt really upset. I found the early years of kids v hard and it took me ages to meet people who I clicked with. I think I really missed his company as he was really good fun. I just wanted to see a friend who knew me from pre kids and could be silly together as I was finding life a bit tough/overwhelming. I guess I felt offended that my view of our friendship was more than his. He is a v gregarious person and has many many friends. He does has form for dropping people. I am more reserved with less friends but intensely loyal to the ones I do have, so yes I felt sad that I was more invested than him.
Anyway I called him out over it and he responded with something along the lines of, Sorry, totally do want to meet up, just been so busy, lots of people to see etc etc. This was years ago. I thought fine, sure we'll meet up at some point and carried on with my life. Anyway this was years ago. We haven't met up. But he still messages me every so often. Not saying anything in particular, just hey how are you etc. He's now married again with a child.
Crux of the issue is I just want him to bugger off now! He's not a friend. But I don't want any drama. So do I politely say please just stop messaging me now? Do I just ghost him? I'm still a bit miffed really but we will never be friends again now. Too much time has passed. But I also do not want him to know that I am miffed! Does that make sense. Way too much time thinking about this minor but annoying issue.

When he next messages you don't respond. He will get the message. If you really feel like you need to actively do something because the messages are too disruptive then block him.

I Really wouldn't bother with texting him requesting he doesn't contact you as that will likely invite more communication.

Sorry formatting went strange. Ignore the italics

Ghost or block him. He’ll think you’ve changed your number.

It sounds like it’s a friendship that has run it’s course (it happens). Just leave it longer between replies and it’ll peter out naturally without any drama.

Just ghost him.

Just take this as it is. You’re probably one of dozens of people he catches up with occasionally. I have a friend like this. Every 6 or 7 months I get a ‘Hiya, I want to pick your brains/fill you in on some gossip/tell you something you might find useful’, then we exchange a few messages, and then that’s that for another while. I like it. It’s nice. We’re never going to be hanging out down the students union again, but it’s nice to have old friends circling in the periphery of your life.

So am I correct in thinking you haven’t actually seen this man for… over a decade?

If he’s out off seeing you ever since he got back from travelling…. 6 years ago!! Then I doubt he will be too bothered if you just don’t bother to message him again

Yes it would have been over a decade ago that I saw him. I will just ghost him now. I guess I'm just a bit sad that it was obviously more of a friendship to me than him. I wouldn't mind the occasional message like this if it wasn't so different to before and I knew why he had gone from being pally pally to dropping me like a stone. But yes, I will just stop responding.

i don’t think it will be a ghosting Op

Surely more that you just don’t message him again and … that’s it.

Over a decade since you have seen him and in 6 years he’s never bothered to see you.

OP this relationship fizzled out years ago

I have this with my cousin. She lives the other side of the world now and only contacts me when my sister is busy. I don’t take her FaceTime calls anymore and give short friendly replies to messages or a missed FaceTime. Friendly but don’t meet “her need”.

I don't message him. Ever. He messages me. That's the issue. I just wish he'd piss off.

Up to now I have been doing the friendly/not meeting need. Don't ask any questions/short answers but I don't want to do that anymore so I didn't know whether to just stop responding or be honest and say we have no friendship anymore bye. I will just stop responding. Thanks all for giving my head a wobble.

How often?

I think after a decade of not seeing each other and 6 years of him dodging a coffee…

why not just drop him a line and say, thanks for messages but I think given the time that’s lapsed since we have any communication beyond the odd virtual message… let’s draw a line through.

Take care and all the best

@Ursuladevine not that often - every few months.

It will fizzle op. It’s been fizzling out for many years. Let it go

I’d either leave long gaps between messages or stop replying.

yes i won't reply anymore and get over it.