Why can't my ex husband just move on??

[rainydayMonday]

This is something I can't help but mull over, even after 5 years of being divorced.
My husband of 23 years had a short affair and the woman got pregnant (we already have two grown up kids) so I filed for divorce and that was that. They are still together. 20 years difference between them and now 2 young kids.

Despite irregular sex, we were really good friends and never had any major issues. Husband worked abroad for 8 months and met the OW. It was such a shock and consequently became messy, nasty and painful for all involved.

I'm totally over him but he still acts very peculiarly with me. He avoids me when dropping the kids off, speaks in a very monosyllabic voice when I ask him how his family is, makes no eye contact and makes the odd, derogatory comment to our kids about me. He very much plays the victim as regards lack of money, being tired.....blah, blah...

It would be so much easier for all if he could be pleasant (I see so many of my divorced friends being civil with their exes as the pain subsides and life moves on). He's even said to our daughter that he won't come to her wedding (when and if she gets married) as he wouldn't want to see me!

I find this such odd behaviour after all these years considering HE was the one to fuck up!

If I'm honest, I don't think he's happy, but why be vile to me?

So he's 20 years older?? Grim.

Have you ever told him to stop being such a wanker and just be bloody civil? What an arse!

56 and two small children, I'd feel bitter too. I'm nearly his age and the thought of having small children is horrifying, I agree he's bitter about you having a nice life and he's back to tantrums and stepping on Lego.

He's projected his guilt and shit decision making etc onto you; you have to be the villain.

He's been ordered not to be remotely friendly towards you by his partner who knows he's a cheater and knows he's got decades of history with you.... In case you both end up tearing each others clothes off and going at it like rabbits.

Being single would mean that, to her, you're even more likely to do this.
People with no morals think everyone else is like them. They also shit themselves that karma will get them and they also think that you might want to get revenge or the last laugh by shagging him again.

(Lots of exes do actually fall into that trap and do shag the cheating ex so it's not entirely unfounded).

Apart from upsetting your DD with the wedding comment (what a dick move to even voice that!) and you can call me petty but I'd find it funny. He clearly didn't get the life he thought he deserved and is blaming you.

Rings some bells. Exh is very regretful of late, apologising a lot etc. I've moved on, long term dp etc, he on the other hand has discovered the pretty exciting women he craved were not particularly excited, came with baggage and were stupid (his words). He's polite dropping off but finds it hard to believe how happy I am dd says. Grass isn't greener seems the best phrase

Bet the new wife is on MN too, posting things like "AIBU to be jealous of my husband because of how we met?"

Reframe this. His behaviour is the gift that keeps on giving. It’s showing you that OW wasn’t the dream he was hoping and he is now unhappy with the life he ruined your marriage for, and made you feel hurt and worthless for.
this would be a champagne moment in my house! I am always pleased to hear my ex is miserable in the life he tried to destroy me for, especially as I am happily married.

Sound quite similar to me and my ex. He cheated, did the pick me dance which I fell for numerous times until I realised what I was doing and finally told him no, so he went back to OW and now treats ME like the bad guy. Making digs about me to our children, his family etc is rude during pick up. It’s frustrating as I’ve always wanted to remain amicable but I’ve had to realise I can only control my behaviour.