Is this assault? *title amended by MNHQ*

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

Gosh where to start.
Every so often, always after he's been drinking, I wake up in the night with DH's hands between my legs with him telling me 'I want to fuck your cunt' or 'suck my dick'. He denies all knowledge of it the next day.

At first it happened so infrequently and he was so mortified the next day that it was funny. But over the Christmas period he's been drinking more (I recently gave up alcohol completely) and it's been happening nearly every night. I'm knackered and it just isn't funny any more. I feel quite violated and reduced to 'a cunt'.

What do I do? DH has very poor mental health at the moment and I'm just afraid that he'll get defensive about it rather than apologetic, and that could be the end of our marriage.

Is it ok for me to change my mind and not find it funny? I get that a lot of people wouldn't have found it funny at first and it's not like I found it side-splittingly funny, and was always a little bit appalled by it but managed to shrug it off. I'm not sure I can any more.

title amended by MNHQ at OP's request.

You are not being unreasonable and it's not funny. Tell him directly what he is doing. He needs to sort this out and if it's drink doing it then he should stop/sleep elsewhere. Some will describe this as assault without consent. However it is described it is unwanted by you. I'd find this completely unacceptable and actually frightening to be asleep and woken up to this unwanted sexual behaviour.

Ultimatum. Stop drinking and get help for his mental health.
Sleep in a different bed/room. If not possible voice activated recording to prove he is doing this.

If he doesn't get help then rethink the relationship.

Of course it is okay for you to change your mind. This isn’t funny, this is assault. He is scaring you and making you feel awful.
I understand he may be in a bad place mentally but he is now inflicting this onto you. Speak to him, give him the ultimatum, he needs to stop drinking to save his marriage.

Tell him that when he's been drinking that he needs to sleep in another bed until he can get control and stop his drunken sleep behaviour. Or he cuts down on his drinking to maintain full control and awareness.
His behaviour and language is unacceptable, disgusting and demeaning.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. How disgusting. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this.

Hi. Please help yourself to put an absolute stop to this abusive behaviour. It’s boundary pushing, driven by booze but also using it as a mask/excuse. This is the real him talking.

Do not accept this again. It’s vile.