Doubts about our future

[Sonyjasutton]

We have only been together for 18 months and I recently found out I am pregnant. I was on the pill so it wasn’t carelessness, but we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy as we both wanted children together one day.
We both have a child each from previous short term relationships. He is great with my daughter.
We don’t live together as we cannot afford to. I’ve always refused to let a man live in my child’s home unless everything is in place for stability. Until money improves I couldn’t take that risk.
My concern I need advice for is that he doesn’t seem to be there emotionally or mentally for me when I need him. I’m struggling with guilt at the moment and knowing his parents will be angry and encourage him to leave me. He’s a mummys boy and only comes round twice a week and every other weekend (he has his son on the alternate weekend) as his mum wants him to stay for dinner. It’s irritated me from the beginning of the relationship but now we have a family to build on, I need him to grow up and step up more. We mostly speak via text message or FaceTime, he sends me reassuring messages but it’s just words. I’ve raised the subject a bit and he says he will ensure everything is how it should be before the baby is born, but I’m concerned I’ll be left doing it all alone and paying for everything alone because he hasn’t grown up and taken responsibility.
i guess my question is how can you be a normal family when you don’t live together? I will probably be a single mum, which is fine as I have been throughout my daughters life anyway, but he will get the benefits of coming over to see the baby, getting a meal then going home for a full nights sleep. I already know he’ll over compensate his child to avoid jealousy, so our baby will be his second priority to them.
I do want this baby but I fear I’ll regret being trapped to him if it doesn’t go to plan. We do have a really good relationship in general, he’s not all bad, just never grown up because he’s always lived with his mum and it’s very offputting.
What would you do in this situation in an attempt to salvage any future?

You already know how it will turn out, are you sure you can do this all alone with a child already?

When a man is committed he leaves no doubt in your mind whatsoever. He doesn't dare for fear of losing you. The fact that you have doubt is a worry. He should be 100% there for you and no problem moving in.

If we could afford to live together I know he’d move in tomorrow, it’s me refusing until I know it won’t affect my child negatively.
I feel like it’s cold feet about having a step family, I’ve never been in this position before and having to consider blended family and step children etc. i worry for my child and also for the baby. I know I’ll be fine if my partner decides to leave, but he wants all of this more enthusiastically than I did. I don’t know how to tell him to cut the apron strings and man up without coming across as a controlling partner.

How can he possibly be any sort of decent father if his mother still rules his life?

If you are thinking some magical switch will flick when he sees your baby it looks like you might be in for a disappointment. I mean it didn't last child did it.

Personally I wouldn't continue with this pregnancy. But that would just be my choice.

You are taking a huge gamble OP. Huge.