Why did I search her name on FB?

[Flowersandwashing]

Iv basically just searched the name of my bf exw on Facebook and seen loads of posts that my bf had written during their relationship about how amazing and beautiful she is. Iv been with my bf for 5 years, we have a good relationship and are happy. We own our house, we’re engaged to be married.

I get on with his exw, he gets on with her, we coparent well and I don’t know why I searched as I knew in the past it may upset me.
now I have upset myself and I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way.

I hardly post on social media (never have) and neither does he anymore.
We’ve never updated our relationship status and don’t post photos of each other, I occasionally change my profile pic and normally of pics of my children or my girlfriends.

I think I’m a bit upset that if someone was to look at his social media then its still all about his exw and one post about me approx 4 years ago.

I certainly don’t expect him to delete his posts with her, shes part of his past and the mother of his children, I also don’t want loads of post about me and I don’t like my life being posted all over Facebook, so why am I now feeling so annoyed/upset?

Are you friends with exw on Facebook? You are likely only seeing his posts because you are friends with him so can see anything he wrote but not everything else on her page

Likely that anyone who goes on either of their pages won't see this because there are 5+ years of posts before it and no one realistically will dig that far back

I'm assuming you have saw them because you are not Facebook friends with her and not because you have dug 5 years back

@willithappen you are right in that I am not friends with her on fb. He’s not even friends with her anymore, I think he deleted her when she left as didn’t want to know what she was getting up to.

I searched her name but didn’t click on her name, it just came up with lots of posts mentioning her, I’m not even sure why I did it. It’s not like I was looking to see what she looks like or anything as we often chat at handovers face to face.

so yes, I’m guessing no one will see them as would have to scroll back really really far and no one would really have the time or the effort.

I just don’t know why it’s upset me as in reality I know fb isn’t even true life but it’s also things that he says to me and for some reason I never even thought that he would have said these things before (unrealistic I know as I know he loved his exw as I did my exh at the time) just guess it’s the reality that we’ve both done this before

So good thing is that no one else is likely to see them then, unless someone who is only friends with your partner searches her up and would likely see the same but changes are low

Also it's normal to feel that way, you have just looked into the relationship of your partner and someone else
Aside from seeing this is everything else okay in the relationship? Was there anything going on that made you search her up?

It just sounds like he used to be a much more voracious poster, and perhaps she was/ is that way inclined. I think a lot of people grow out of doing it. It certainly doesn't mean he doesn't think similar or better things about you but I understand wishing you'd never bloody looked!

This is pain shopping OP. Deliberately looking for things until you find the thing that’s going to hurt the most.

Hide her accounts, nothing good can come if doing this to yourself.

Because your human

I agree with others that this isn’t helpful, try to leave the past in the past, he certainly has.

Personally I always think those that need to publicly declare love and affection on social media tend to be trying too hard. It's usually to compensate for the fact that in reality the love and affection isn't quite what it should be.

The fact that they're no longer Facebook friends is more important than typed comments 5 years ago. There's no need to look at the past. You don't need gushy statements in a secure relationship.

Firstly them outpourings of love on social media are ALWAYS hiding something. Normal relationships you can turn to your love and just tell them how much they mean to you.

Secondly you are not being unreasonable here. My other half rarely uses fb, he deactivates it every few weeks after a quick snoop on there, but on his 5 featured pictures is an ex from years ago and not one sign of me. None. For anyone looking at his fb they would assume he is a single dad and nothing more. I know he is committed to me etc but sometimes I do wonder why HER pic still on there and nothing about me at all. We all overthink. I just look at her pic when he reactivates his account and think, fuck it I look better now than she did all them years ago and it is me he is with but that is on my secure in myself days. Dont beat yourself up.

Don't beat yourself up over any of this. Curiosity gets the better of us all from time to time.

Remember that Facebook is not real life. I was in a 4 year relationship and never once posted pictures or statuses about him because ultimately, it doesn't mean anything. It's just social media. Why does the entire world need to know how I feel about someone?

Also, it's likely that he has now grown up as isn't interested in social media much anymore. He should probably delete his account if he's not using it. Honestly, I would probably feel a touch embarrassed if there were loads of posts online of my boyfriend gushing about another woman despite it being in the past. At the same time, just know that it doesn't mean anything.

thank You for being understanding and not making me feel like Iv gone mad. We have a lovely relationship. He’s amazing and makes me feel great about myself and does make me feel really loved.

his exw is also in a ltr but hasn’t been going well recently, this has prompted extra messages to my bf and some I feel may start pushing the boundaries (she did this in the beginning)
I think this maybe what spiked my curiosity.

I know that most things posted on social media are covering up something else (I done it myself in the past) although have deleted many posts that have come up in my memories

thanks all

I used to do this with an ex OP, it drove me mad.
I don’t anymore. I also don’t post on social media because I’m wary of the effects of the evil eye/nazar 🧿 Every time I’d post something with or about the ex, esp. photos I swear it resulted in a huge argument. Not to do with the content, but I know there were eyes on our holiday/valentines pics that didn’t wish us well.
See where your fiancé and his ex got to splashing soppy photos all over the socials?
I never post photos of my children online, I wouldn’t take the 🧿 risk.

@Flowersandwashing i would feel the same but knowing that i'm in a good place with my partner would make me feel better.
It was a long time ago which would make me feel even more better 😊

You need to work on you op.this is how your feeling right now.insecure.and why?once you find that and heal it won't matter.
Added to that will be her relationship troubles will be adding to your feeling shaky.but this is deff an inside job.
Also remeber social media is a bullshit snapshot.they split for a reason. He's with you.

I don't think any of us really like to be reminded of our partner's past relationships or intimate details. Things that are said have all been said before..emotions aren't exclusive but of course it goes both ways. Best not to get too invested in their past it's really irrelevant.