Moving on after being ghosted

[Movingmovingon]

I am hoping you lovely people will have some advice for me as I’m struggling right now.

I had recently got talking to someone and I honestly thought we could have been soul mates. There was an instant buzz and connection and we talked for hours everyday and everything and anything. It was all so easy and I haven’t felt like that before.

We had very open conversations and talked about a lot. They were always so complimentary of me and told me how beautiful and wonderful I was everyday. It made me feel good and I really thought they cared about me.

We met up and had a great time. Spend 24 hours together and it was lovely.

They text me to say they were home and I replied saying I had a great time and would like to meet up again. They read it and didn’t reply (almost 24 hours ago and they’d usually be texting all the time) and I’ve seen they’ve been back on the dating site so I’m assuming I’ve been ghosted.

I know this is going to sound stupid but I feel stupidly vulnerable because I shared a lot including moaning about family members (as did they) but now I feel an incredible sense of guilt that I did this and how disloyal it was to my family.

I can’t help wondering what I did wrong to put them off. Was I too keen? Not keen enough? Did I not compliment them enough? Did I not share enough for them? Over share? It’s like a constant loop.

My stomach feels like it’s churning non stop and I keep bursting into tears. I feel like I don’t even want to try dating again as I don’t want to feel this hurt again.

How do I get past this and move on and make peace with the fact I probably won’t hear from them again?

All advice appreciated.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I've been there and it's horrible. Please stop going over it and thinking that's it's something that you did because it won't be. It'll be something to do with him, I guarantee. Maybe this is just what he does, uses people and never commits.
This almost exact situation happened to me a few years ago and at the time I was gutted. I went on to meet my husband 6 months later and looking back at the other guy with hindsight I could see loads of red flags and I don't know why I got so worked up over him. Get dating new people and try to forget him.

Oh dear.

Sorry it sounds like you were played. You haven't done anything wrong, the person just wasn't what they pretended. They were after getting you into bed and now they're onto the next person to lovebomb.

It all sounds quite intense for something so new. I'm inclined to think he felt you were too keen or overshared. I wouldn't really moan about personal stuff like my family when I've just met someone, but it sounds like he lured you into feeling it was a safe space to do so so I understand.

Did you sleep together when you met? It sounds like he lovebombed you a bit, such as with all the compliments, and may have ultimately just been wanting sex.

It's an awful feeling being ghosted but essentially you didn't really know this man, and the intensity of the connection so early on sounds like classic lovebombing, so I'm thinking bullet dodged. If I were you, I'd try to hold back on getting emotionally invested so early on in the future, and be wary of signs of lovebombing.

Don't give hours of your time and your intimate self to someone you've never met. You're laying yourself bare as a lonely, bored, vulnerable person when you do. Busy, fulfilled people don't have the spare time or inclination to spend hours giving their all to a stranger. You're doing yourself a disservice by being so available. You have indeed given him information about yourself and other people that he really hasn't earned the trust to know.

It sounds as though he didn't fancy you in person. So sorry. I know that's blunt but it was always a distinct possibility. It's probably a good thing in the long run as you would have set off on this relationship on the wrong foot.

Put it behind you and employ some self preservation in the future. Good luck. xx

What an arse. I’m so wary of that happening, I haven’t done OLD but recently started dating someone. My friend said I should hold out until date 5 before having sex as he might ghost me. I knew he wouldn’t, but lasted until date 3! Classic love bombing. I think take things slower, don’t reveal too much too soon. It’s tempting, I want to see my new bf all the time but I’m trying to take it slowly (ish). I was relieved when he messaged me a few times the day after I slept with him. Men like him probably do this every week, it’s horrible but lesson learned for you

First mistake don’t spend hours talking to someone you don’t know and have never met, it builds up a false sense of intimacy.

Sounds like he just wanted a night of sex.

In future, chat to someone for a few days and then arrange to meet for a quick coffee. If you then like each other, make another date. Etc etc etc. You got too emotionally involved but didn’t really know this man.

Note the op has (deliberately) not said if it’s a man/woman.

It’s nothing to do with you, or anything you did.

There are so many red flags here - the excessive talking and “instant” connection, the sharing of so many private issues, such a long first date. It smacks of lovebombing.

Take some time to heal, and next time keep your boundaries strong - short dates, no deep conversations straight away and try to keep messaging short until you meet.

Sounds like it was a first date? far too invested before you really knew him well enough, soul mates??? come on you weren't even in a relationship.
Dating is about having fun, getting to know each other without it getting too deep at first, more often than not a first date will not progress past a first date as one or the other decides the connection isn't there enough for them. Just a hour or two is plenty long enough, don't go into it thinking it's your next relationship, let it evolve naturally.
If they ghost you, it's their rudeness not your problem, not worth overthinking why they didn't want to see you again.
Don't give up but do be more guarded, no one is worth your emotions until you have built a real connection over time.

Thanks all. I am currently going from annoyed to upset. Cried a lot today. Want to get to the stage where I know they don’t deserve my tears and I’m not upset but not sure how 😞

Think of a person you know, personally, or from the tv or a film. The most ridiculously confident person, who has a really confident approach to life.

How would they deal with this?

How long did you talk to each other before suggesting to meet? That will say a lot. If it's quite a long time, then there's likely a reason he has not wanted to meet sooner and has backed off as soon as you do get together. Maybe he has commitment issues, maybe he just wanted a chat buddy and not the big relationship. But there's no point mulling it over as it is not your issue. To ghost you shows he has zero respect for you, he is not worth it. When you meet someone who wants to be with you, you will know and there will be no second guessing.

First of all this all sounds far too intense for just chatting before a first date! It sounds like he love bombed you. Did you sleep with him?
Secondly, not saying you have done this but I’ve chatted to many men on dating sites who say that the women they have met have often use outdated pictures from years ago and looked 10 years older and a lot heavier in real life OR used over edited their pictures/ used filters so much that when they met in real life the woman looked nothing like she did in her pictures and that they never saw those women again.
Again not saying you have done this but it is apparently common among females and the most complained about subject men have talked about online.

aw Im sorry

don’t quit dating first of all
we all get burnt and we learn as we go

secondly he may well pop up again
when he’s horny ….

but sounds like you fell fast for the charm
bonded fast (maybe falsely)
then he got what he wanted and boom
NEXT

its so easy to fall in love with the feelings

Next time you will go slower , be more cautious

I’d say be prepared he might well pop up again

It's nothing you did - they're the kind of person who would ghost someone regardless.
It's shit and cowardly - 'least they could do is be open and honest with you.
But honestly, and I mean this kindly, you're going to have to learn to protect yourself better than this. Don't overshare early on. Don't get too carried away. Keep your feet firmly on the ground.
Ghosting is unfortunately an inevitable part of dating and it happens to us all. You're going to have to toughen up a bit
But please don't give up with the dating completely, otherwise the wanker will have won! Give yourself time to get over this and then back on the saddle you go. Lesson learnt

You did nothing wrong. Sadly this is textbook. Love bombing and then running away as soon as they hook you in. Use this as a learning experience and run for the hills if someone texts/calls constantly right at the start.

I was doing better but have now seen that they’ve blocked me and it’s upset me all over again. How can anyone be so cruel without even a final message saying thanks but no thanks! 😰

I have to say that’s really nasty 🤢
the blocking

and also egotistical !!! like he thinks you’ll be crawling after him

whilst I’ve met some interesting people I’ve not actually had this level of badness
but I’m older and maybe more wary than you

when less sad please do think about the red flags 🚩

that were maybe there and you didn’t spot

as this is a spectacular example of dysfunctional fuck boi behaviour

Why are you so convinced it's deliberate? Surely many people just don't even think to put gender. Do you always take such an accusatory stand point? Why?