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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I know this isn't the normal type of thread

6 replies

BeenThereWithThis · 28/12/2022 23:39

Partner of 3.5 years ended it. I think I agree with him. However, I'm struggling with closure. We have had a great few years. No problems, no red flags. I think he thinks I wanted more (I didnt) and some how everything ended in miscommunication.

Is it always best just to cut contact ? Which he seems to want but is that best for me (it isnt). How do I get past this ?

OP posts:

Ofcourseshecan · 28/12/2022 23:52

I think he thinks I wanted more (I didnt) and some how everything ended in miscommunication.

Can you talk it over again? It would be a shame to split up for no real reason. But if he’s really ended it because he wasn’t happy, it would be better to know that than keep thinking it was just a mistake.

1dayatatime · 28/12/2022 23:55

I didn't want to leave you hanging at this time of night with no answers.

Firstly Christmas and New Year are a popular time for people to end relationships. What with extended time together and the whole new year fresh start thing. However come late January when it's dark, pissing it down and your ex after a crap day at work might reflect that maybe he shouldn't have ended it with you.

Secondly he ended it so you should most definitely go no contact. You owe it to your self respect not to begging for him to come back like dog begging for scraps

Thirdly, if he does change his mind then you will have had a period of time to reflect what has actually changed and whether you actually want him back

Fourthly if he doesn't want to get back with you then its highly likely he would have left you at some point in the future anyway. And far better to know 3.5 years in than 13 years in with a marriage, a house and two children.

Big hugs and stay strong - you are better than this situation.

category12 · 28/12/2022 23:57

It probably IS in your best interests to end contact, and if he doesn't want to keep in touch then you won't have a choice in it.

No point dragging it out if he's finished it.

Original poster

BeenThereWithThis · 29/12/2022 00:41

category12 · 28/12/2022 23:57

It probably IS in your best interests to end contact, and if he doesn't want to keep in touch then you won't have a choice in it.

No point dragging it out if he's finished it.

I know you are right, you really are. It just feels so childish not to discuss it.

We are 50 ish, not 30.

OP posts:

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 00:46

I'm struggling to understand that he ended it and you agree with the decision but he also ended it whilst thinking it was you who wanted more but you didn't want more?

So doesn't that mean it's him who thinks you don't want to be with him but you do and so he just feels insecure bit deep down wants to be with you?

Sorry, I'm a romantic at heart and feel like this miscommunication is something that is in the way. Maybe you can still salvage it?

Unless there is more to the story that I'm not aware of x

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2022 03:05

I'd step back for now. Maybe emotions are too heightened atm for closure. Perhaps someday he will reach out and give you closure. Perhaps by then, you'll actually find that you dont need it anymore.

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