Am I worrying about nothing? Or expecting too much?

[Blushingm]

Been seeing BF since April. He split from his ex wife about 18 months ago - divorce etc all finalised and he's bought his own house etc. They were together for over 20 years - all through uni etc.

We see each other when we can - I'm a nurse so work shifts. He works Monday to Friday but has his kids EOW and nights in the week too. We usually manage a couple of nights a week (I always stay over)

He always says how he's so happy he found me, how I make him happy, how I've helped restore his self confidence etc but he never actually ' I love you'

I do love him - I've said it twice but never had it said back to me. I don't know whether I'm coming on too strongly too soon, whether he's just not ready or what - I don't know what to think. I always feel like he's too good for me - he could do better than me

There's no right or wrong. He's not giving you what you want. Have you told him? What did he say? Or what stops you telling him?

I haven't told him - I don't know why?

He is attentive and thoughtful, witty and affectionate - he just doesn't say 'I love you'.........it may be that he just never has!

I do love him - I've said it twice but never had it said back to me. I don't know whether I'm coming on too strongly too soon, whether he's just not ready or what - I don't know what to think. I always feel like he's too good for me - he could do better than me

There's no such thing as 'too soon'. There are no rules, there are no 'correct' timings. Some people say it really soon, some never say it. Some say it 10 times a day, some once a year. Some only say it when drunk. None of these people is right or wrong; they all have partners who are either happy or unhappy about it.

If you can't ask him how he feels, and you're doubting yourself and feeling he's too good for you, this all points to an unhealthy partnership. Not to say that he's not right for you, but that you need to sort out how you're viewing things. If you're not sure why you haven't asked him, ask yourself what it is you're scared he'll say/do if you say 'I love you. Do you love me?' What's the worst thing? That'll help you find out what insecurity is in the way of an equal, loving relationship, for you.

Do you want children op@Blushingm ? Something to take into consideration long term more so than whether he loves you or not.

How do you feel the direction of the relationship is going? this might give you a clue, Does he discuss future plans such as meeting his family, moving in together one day? that would point to you being a gf he wants a serious future or is it just short term plans of you going to see him?

@zonky I have 2 DC, they're 16 and 21, and he has 2 too. Neither of us want any more

@minticecreamisjustok we talk about stuff we are going to do in the summer.......and about my kids meeting him and his eventually meeting me

I think you'll have to ask him, there is a lot to be said for how someone treats you so if you feel it's going well then that's a good sign. Also a man that says it all the time but the actions don't match, it doesn't always mean much! but I get that's it's important to hear it sometimes, best to get it out what is bothering you then you can take it from there.

Words are meaningless in this regard. He can say anything you fancy but it doesn’t make it so. What are his actions