My ex used to hit me. We have dc. Not badly, never left any marks, but he did hit. It was during an argument that he would punch, slap, kick, push or shove. Sometimes he would instead punch walls, punch furniture, throw things, smash his phone, smash through doors, mirrors, walls. Only when he is angry. But he would do it in front of dc. He never thought he needed anger management and would never get it. He blamed me for it. He said no one sees him as an angry man, he is only angry because I make him angry and I bring out this side to him that no one else would see or expect of him. I never used to cause huge arguments, I just used to bring up stuff I’m unhappy with, like him not helping much with kids or disagreeing with him. But apparently it was all my fault that he would act that way.
he would also smash his game controller if he loses as his PlayStation game and told me this is normal for men to do this when they lose at games.
I told my parents about this at the time and they would say don’t make him angry, don’t provoke him, don’t start an argument with him, stay quiet, why are you bringing up things that would cause an argument, he’s your husband so you need to work it out, it’s normal for couples to fight you have to get on with it etc etc.
I have also discussed this with colleagues and they tell me this is abusive and no man should ever hit you.
I’m so confused, I feel my understanding of relationships is so distorted. Note, he is now my ex, but I don’t know if I should have been more tolerant of his behaviour like I was taught to be?