Considering separation

[Mfg84]

Hello. Am.after some advice please. After 10 years of marriage I feel I am at the point where the status quo is not sustainable. We have had challenges for past 18 months but this year has been particularly challenging. I am not saying I'm perfect but I feel my husband is constantly putting me down and criticising me whatever I do. He is very unhappy with his job and I feel he is landing everything on my doorstep. He is constantly tense. I really want to do the right thing for the sake or our two children who are 5 and 7. I never imagined to be in a situation like this and I want to do the beat for the children. At this point I'm not sure what that is though. He is always criticising my parenting which makes me feel numb. Even though I have a good network of friends my parents live abroad. We bought a house and I am not sure I could afford the mortgage on my own. I currently only work self employed however I could look for a different job. Unfortunately I dont know anyone who has been through something similar so I feel quite lonely with the situation. I am asking myself should I try to put up with it and wait until the kids are older...it feels like an overwhelming decision. Any useful advice on practicalities of leaving and perhaps what should be considered would be very much appreciated

Have you tried marriage counselling? Assuming you once loved one another and respected one another is it worth trying? I’d be tempted to tell him you need to resolve this and want to attend counselling.

There is a book I read last year about the seven principles of marriage and it is a good book if you are both willing to put in the work. It’s not hard and it gives you exercises to complete. It focuses on positives in your relationship history. It talks about the four horsemen, which include criticism and contempt. It helps you recognise it. We point out anything that resembles the four horsemen now (even to our kids if they sound critical).

He may be awful or he may have lost his way - this may help you realise if he wants to improve things.

Don't give up before going to marriage guidance.

Your children are just reaching an age of much lower stress to you both. Go on more dates and reconnect.

Maybe doing a positive parenting course together will help you focus on the similarities of your parenting.
Start a family pursuit, like bushwalking, swimming, go-carting or something that strengthens family fun bonds.
Help your husband swap jobs.

Mfg84's husband is behaving abusively towards the OP so joint counselling is not recommended here. Its not her fault he is supposedly unhappy in his job and if he truly was he should talk to his employers. She is the scapegoat here for all his ills. He likely does not act like this to his neighbours or to work colleagues either.

To you Mfg84 - do not put up with this and or wait to leave until the children are older (how old exactly?). They also deserve a calm and pleasant home to live in; what you're describing here re your home is not a sanctuary for you or your children.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Would you want your children as adults to be in a marriage like you are describing; no you would not and you would want better for them. Expect better for you as well.

Contact some solicitors in your area and seek legal advice; you do not have to act on this immediately but knowledge here is power.

Nothing like stoking the fire…