Ticking clock… Getting pregnant so ‘at least you have your dc’ ?

[greppppp]

my closest friend got herself pregnant at 38 with a man she’d known a year. She said she loved him but wasn’t sure it would last but she wanted dc. They broke up before she had dc but she has been so happy and so relaxed since then. No dating dramas, no pressure, no dread that time might run out. She’s recently started dating again and says it is much easier as she feels she can be more selective about who to be with as she’s not desperately searching for someone to have a baby with while the clock ticks.

I am the same age as her and to be honest I feel the same. I am so sad I don’t have dc and while I know there are options like IVF etc I just don’t want to go through that and it’s not something I can do. Rushing into something so I have dc and hoping it works out… is that insane though? My friend is so so happy and chilled and the pressure is gone. I’m exhausted by the search for a family.

Whatever you do don’t deceive someone into getting you pregnant. Use a consenting (temporary perhaps) partner or a proper sperm donor. I’ve got a friend whose clock was ticking who did this, ten years on never found a man but adores her daughter, but it’s been hard work as she’s got some special needs. Here’s are fairly moderate but a challenge solo.

I don’t get your friend’s point of view at all.

She didn’t think this man was long term relationship material for her, but had no problem lumbering a child with him as a father?

Selfish.

You're asking if it's insane to deceive a man into having a child with you?

Yes, it is. Your friend is a stupid selfish person.

Get a proper official sperm donor if you're that desperate.

Why not just buy some sperm, if you feel that way? Means you don't risk the clusterfuck of finding out your children's father is lazy/vindictive/violent/a shit, going to court over residence, navigating blended families and shared holidays...

If you're happy to bring up a child solo and you have a consenting donor then I don't see why not 🤷‍♀️ My Auntie did this, her Son is now 28 and she loves the bones of him. She still never married and is perfectly happy.

Among my friends and relatives who are single mothers, I’ve noticed that those who chose to have a child alone are much happier than those whose marriages/ relationships had broken up.

OP, many women now choose to go it alone. Why take the risk of missing your chance of motherhood or trapping yourself and child in an unwanted relationship?

I got pregnant during a fling with my ex - not sure how as I was on the pill but anyway, he didn't want to be involved and so it's just been me and DS for 10 years. I was 36 when I got pregnant. It's been hard work in some ways, though more from starting a business when he was 18 months than raising him alone. He's completely happy and well balanced, cousins nearby he adores, and I've got a boyfriend who he has a great relationship with. But he's never called him dad, and he's totally accepting of the fact he doesn't have a dad. I've always been very honest with him about why his dad didn't stick around and also never badmouthed him once. I'm not angry at all so why would i.
Anyway, I definitely see where your friend is coming from! I feel very lucky the way things worked out for me. DS and I are so close, I wouldn't change any of it.

Maybe just do the sperm donor route - a lot easier than trying to meet someone who wants to get you pregnant on such a short timescale!