Having a 'Talk'

[Babysharkdoodoodood]

Apparently DH wants to diarise a talk this weekend. Told me on the way into work so I've had it on my mind all day.

Ugh. I know I've been a bitch lately, chemical menopause and pain from tendinitis have been making me tetchy. Not to mention his 'flu' since the 18th which has made him noticeably absent over Xmas.

He does most of the housework as I'm admittedly dust blind. I do all the food planning, laundry and cooking. He does his own ironing. He works from home so I don't think his head has been turned.

He took himself upstairs last year to the spare room to let me sleep better when I was working shifts. But I'm not now and he hasn't come back. In fact he says I banished him, when I did no such thing and keep telling him to come back down. So no sex for over a year. I don't necessarily want PIV, but miss cuddles and intimacy.

I just know he's only going to talk about his wants and needs, never mind the fact I've been asking him back to bed.

He keeps saying that I obviously want him to leave but I don't know where he's got that from, apart from telling him to get his fluey self upstairs and to stop coughing everywhere., which I thought would be normal. I don't want to get his germs and DS2 needs to be able to work as well (hospitality). DS2 isn't his and he does whinge about him a LOT, but he has no money to move out.

He also earns about 3x my salary whilst I'm on a pittance.

I just have the refrain: fuck fuck fucketty fuck going through my head now.

Help

Sounds like you need a talk and it’s good he’s brought it up. Nothing good about unhappy people trying to ignore issues.

Be open minded, honest, listen to him, be prepared to hear some uncomfortable things, air your own thoughts and feelings.

Communication is key to relationships.

Stay as calm as you can…. You’ll
articulate yourself much better then. Don’t say anything rash… if anything comes up that’s a shock… say you’ll go away and think about it

I don’t know what to say as it all sounds like a relationship in crisis, at best.
And it seems both of you have been neglecting it and letting it be in a rut.
It’s not a bad thing that he recognised it and raised his hand. Clearly a ‘Talk’ is overdue.
Both of you seem to be in some sort of resentment mood.
’His wants and needs’ - are of course relevant, as well as him feeling that you don’t want him there. You do need to listen to that, if you want to try to mend the relationship.
And, of course it applies to him with your wants and needs.

I don’t think there is any hope for you two if you just dismiss his feelings, and argue back with ‘but I told you …this and that…’

It is possible that he best way to do it is with a professional. Have you considered couples counselling?

Sounds like a much needed talk. Agree with staying calm and not making any rash decisions.