Mother picking out negatives

[Fuckstix]

My mother genuinely isn't a bad person but I have a long history of her criticising me and thinking the worst of me. Many examples. I think it's based on her insecurity.

I have a boyfriend of 7 months. He has asked me to move in after some renovation work is finished on his house in a few months. Great. I mentioned this to my mother on boxing day and told BF what we were talking about when he came in the room. It wasn't a secret. No kids or exes involved so there was nobody who needed telling first or anything.

My mother rang today to discuss, in a concerned voice, how she thought he had looked very taken aback when he heard I was saying he'd invited me to move in. I think the implication was that I may have misunderstood. I had not.

I just do not get why she has to do this, behave as though nothing will work out for me. BF has gone to visit his family for a few days as planned and I am left feeling a bit shit about everything.

That's weird for her to draw that conclusion. Presumably you saw his reaction as well; was he taken aback? Maybe he just saw the look on your mum's face and reacted to that 😆

No, I don't think he looked taken aback. If anything at all, his first language isn't English so he might've asked me to repeat something (I sometimes talk quite fast), but we had a quick chat about the timescale and that was that.

I think the only thing to do is say firmly, "Rubbish. I don't know what fertile imagination you've drawn that one from, Mum, but as usual you've got it utterly wrong" and then immediately change the subject.

My DM is very similar. It's depressing. Constantly saying things like "Are you sure they invited you to go? They didn't seem very keen!" I have had a lifetime of this dismissal of my feelings.

Thanks, I do intend to do this sort of thing, it just catches me out every time and if I do respond without agreeing, she gets annoyed and huffy. Last night's conversation ended with 'I can hear you sound tired, I'd better go' leaving me doubting myself, thinking 'maybe he didn't mean it' especially as BF is away.

Gah it is depressing isn't it, thanks for understanding. Leaves you thinking 'who would want me?!'.