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Original poster

Tricky to get over very short situationship

21 replies

Holibobby · 28/12/2022 01:15

I posted a couple of months ago now quite a few posts about a guy I was seeing. Some basic background info - I was going through bad time and went on a date with this guy and he showered me with attention SUPER good looking. He love bombed me with telling me he loved me by accident in the first couple of weeks, planning our future etc etc. I was very wary and kept distance all way through but he become only thing I thought about and fantasised about.

Anyway one day I asked if we were on same page as he has started to pull away as soon as I admitted I also liked him. Withdraw all attention, affection etc. I asked him why and he said he was worried we weee jumping into a relationship. Although it was him that had been super intense not me. Distance grew and all the phone calls stopped, I’ve not seen him now for over 3 weeks.

so I messaged him the before Xmas and said why did we stop talking and meeting. He said he was really wrapped up in Christmas stuff at the mo but could he ring me on Boxing Day to explain. I said yeah ok, Boxing Day came and he messaged saying he couldn’t even leave house over Xmas as he was struck down with flu and is really poorly. Thing is he is the first to like all my social media posts, he gets in touch with me, I am sooo confused by it all.

i did kind of check out but it’s still got me wondering I know it’s not going anywhere but after knowing him for 3 and a half months why do I constantly STILL think about him! I get annoyed with myself! I recently went on a night out and had a lot of male attention but I just couldn’t help b it think none of them come anywhere close!

Any words of advice and wisdom and how do I stop being ridiculous and obbsessing about a man who I felt like I was in a relationship with but I wasent

OP posts:
OfHardy · 28/12/2022 01:17

Am I seeing things or is this the second post with the non-existent word situationship Confused

GrowingToads · 28/12/2022 01:21

OfHardy · 28/12/2022 01:17

Am I seeing things or is this the second post with the non-existent word situationship Confused

It's the new word for I'm seeing someone who is married and I don't know it yet.

Fuckstix · 28/12/2022 01:21

Do not allow yourself to build this man up into some type of untouchable god who nobody else can measure up to! Ive been there and it was shit for dating. He was just some handsome love bomber who's disappeared in every meaningful sense (liking your photos is not effort or interest). I'd draw a line under it, tell him 'all the best', block him so he can't keep liking things and making his name pop up, and then try and move on/ meet other people

Lexi868 · 28/12/2022 01:21

Basically he's a knob.

Wombat100 · 28/12/2022 01:21

I know it’s hard but do yourself a massive favour and delete/block his number. I went through this a few years ago - believe me, men like this really aren’t worth the hassle. He will NEVER be what you want him to be. If it’s this hard this early on it’s not worth it.

SuperHandss · 28/12/2022 01:23

OfHardy · 28/12/2022 01:17

Am I seeing things or is this the second post with the non-existent word situationship Confused

Yawn. It’s commonly used.

OP, you have caught a classic case of prickitis I’m afraid. Common when women are vulnerable and magically clears up when there’s any mention of a serious relationship.

Monty27 · 28/12/2022 01:25

He's been playing you. Block him and move on.

Trez1510 · 28/12/2022 01:27

.... telling me he loved me by accident in the first couple of weeks ....

😂😂😂

yellowsmileyface · 28/12/2022 10:20

I think you're struggling to get over him because you haven't fully accepted that it isn't going anywhere. You know rationally that it isn't, but the fact you're keeping in touch shows that you haven't yet accepted it. You're still clinging on to the memories of the love bombing where he made you feel special and hoping he'll make you feel that way again.

I'm sorry to say, him being the first to like your social media posts is meaningless. You seem to think it's indication that he does really like you and is making some sort of effort, in reality it means he spends too much time on social media (possibly talking to other girls) and really, liking posts is a very low bar for effort.

You really need to block and delete him. Forget about him. Go into the new year free of him.

NewToWoo · 28/12/2022 10:28

I just couldn’t help b it think none of them come anywhere close!

Came anywhere close to what? To his level of messing you around? To the delights of his immature game playing?
Why are these attractive to you? Seriously, take yourself out for a walk alone or sit down with a journal and pen and answer the question.

Do some reading about the difference between being 'in love' and actual love (there's a chapter in The Road Less Travelled that is good on this. Bit old-fashioned now but still relevant.)

If you want a relationship, behave maturely and start to value desirable long-term qualities like reliability, respect, joint goals and plans for the future over shitty distractions like love bombing. No one can 'love' you after two weeks. they know sod all about you, so don't trust that cheesy Love Island approach. Go for something a bit more emotionally mature and intelligent. It can still be wildly romantic. Just not shittily unreliable.

CrystalCoco · 28/12/2022 10:37

Ref PPs eye-rolling at the use of 'situationship' - new words are 'allowed' to appear in language, we're not just stuck in the past, well some of us are not.

OP he's got inside your head, make a list of all the shitty things he's done or said and all of his negative points, don't focus on good points or fantasise/romanticise this guy. You know he love bombed you, you know his intentions were never good and he could never deliver.

Promise yourself you're not taking this guy and his energy into 2023 and set yourself free, block, delete, move on.

Original poster
Holibobby · 28/12/2022 14:39

@CrystalCoco I thought I was a lot smarter and could suss people, but I obviously fell straight into a trap.

I don’t understand why people would do that if they never had good intentions. I should have ran when I found out he was married for one month and that ended 6 weeks before we started chatting!

its the first time I’ve let my guard down in 4 years and fell head over heels for his looks and charm, I keep thinking maybe he’s going through a bad time and he will be that same person again soon, but from what everybody is saying here seems like typical behaviour from a love bomber. He was so obsessive in the beginning.

I think as previous PPs have said I need to leave him behind in 2022 as highly doubt he will change!

OP posts:
Littlechickenhead · 29/12/2022 13:44

Stopping posting about him on here might help you. How many threads is it now? 10? 15?

Aquasulis · 29/12/2022 13:52

SuperHandss · 28/12/2022 01:23

Yawn. It’s commonly used.

OP, you have caught a classic case of prickitis I’m afraid. Common when women are vulnerable and magically clears up when there’s any mention of a serious relationship.

Show quote history

Loving the phrase prickitis - because you have low self esteem / I didn’t want to hear it either when people said it to me.

use your head - he’s a small dick energy man known as SDENMA otherwise known by the acronym SADMEN or SAD MEN.

the cure
retreat
concentrate on yourself and your self esteem and boundaries
block and delete
dont talk about them - this gives them oxygen which allows the bacteria to multiple

move on

JesusWearsPrada · 29/12/2022 13:52

You're in love with a feeling. Find other, healthier ways to release dopamine. Like I dunno, crack cocaine?

supercali77 · 29/12/2022 16:48

You need to cut it all off. Block him. Then delete number from phone. Delete all texts and call logs. Block on SM, every platform. When you think of him, get up and clean/call a mate/bake something/ whatever it takes.

Daisytigermay · 29/12/2022 17:06

You really have to block him and remove him from your social media you don’t deserve this. Your person is out there and they won’t ever make you feel like this. The reason he keeps liking your social media posts is to keep you attached he likes the ego boost

Watchkeys · 29/12/2022 18:47

I don’t understand why people would do that if they never had good intentions

You don't have to understand why people who treat you badly treat you badly. You disengage, and you move on. It will hurt, but you deal with that; you are responsible for your own wellbeing, and you're an adult. As such, calling yourself ridiculous and getting annoyed with yourself is poor practice. You're supposed to be on your side, not opposing yourself. It's never going to be good for anybody's wellbeing to get annoyed with them and call them ridiculous.

Be nice to yourself, and then you won't be so concerned when other people aren't nice to you, because you'll have the cushion/safety net of knowing that someone in the world will always be good to you: You.

GrowingToads · 29/12/2022 18:59

*I don’t understand why people would do that if they never had good
intentions. I should have ran when I found out he was married for one
month and that ended 6 weeks before we started chatting! *

What does that mean ?
He was only married a month and then left or you realised he was married.

Unclear

Original poster
Holibobby · 29/12/2022 21:31

@GrowingToads he was only married a month and then he was single for a month and then we started talking

OP posts:
GrowingToads · 29/12/2022 21:34

Blimey, that's a short marriage.

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