My parents slagging off my parenting behind my back

[WhatsitWiggle]

I'm so upset. Been staying with my parents over Christmas with DD14. We live 2 hours drive away so don't see them very often. My brother and his family are 15 mins drive away, see them every couple of weeks. I've separated from her Dad this year and it's been tough so was looking forward to a few days R&R.

I've just come up to bed and overheard my mum telling my dad how lazy and ungrateful my DD is, how I do everything for her. This isn't the first time I've heard these comments from them, but this time it comes a day after I've told them I took DD to the GP two weeks ago after she talked about harming herself and she's been referred for ASC assessment.

DD is very shy, struggles with busy environments, talks really quietly (unless it's about her cat). Big contrast to my brother's daughter who is really outgoing. All I've heard for the last 4 days is how amazing niece is, how she's thriving at her new (private) school.

We're leaving tomorrow, and the way I'm feeling right now, I don't want to bring her here ever again.

They don’t really know her, they are not in a position to judge.

Let it go over your head, keep smiling, you will soon be home.

Xx

Massive hugs. Their perception is skewed but the comments are cruel. I’ve no advice other than to crack on being the wonderful mum you are and supporting your daughter in very way possible. And more massive hugs. x

That sounds so tough, OP. Just cos they said it does not make it true.

Try not to let it get to you if you can. Everyone is allowed a private opinion, it was a shame that you overheard theirs. But they might be tired or whatever and not really thinking.

She insults you, do it back!

She does everything for the child- yeah back in your day you used to boot us out the door to play outside all day. Benign neglect is now illegal though so thanks anyway but I’m good.

She’s so quiet! Bio’s daughter is so much better in every way! - She’s getting there in her own time and we are really proud of her.

Etc. Do it politely, joke about it but keep challenging it. Don’t let them other your child.

Could you talk to be your parents to tell them how hurt you feel and how vulnerable your daughter is . If you feel you can without it making the situation more difficult then I think you should. If not say nothing and go home knowing you are a good parent with your child's interests at heart.
I'm sorry you don't feel you can get the support you need from them

Hugs in solidarity, OP - my mother is the champion of running each of her children down to the others behind each other’s backs - it is so toxic, and incredibly hurtful.
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, do they maybe not fully understand your daughter’s situation?

They are your parents. You are allowed to tell them that you overheard them and are very hurt that they have judged you both and found you lacking, not remembering that DD has some real and current problems.

I'd also leave today, if that is possible. I don't think I could look at them, interact politely, for the evening.

Look after yourself and DD first and foremost.

If it was me I would confront them and put them right,