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Relationships

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Original poster

Fwb with an ex?

16 replies

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 22:35

Is it always a bad idea? Or has anyone done it and it been fine? For reasons I can’t date and unlikely to be able to meet anyway at all for a very long time, but after 5/6 years celibate obviously I would like to have a sexual relationship again, but as I said I am unable to meet anyone new.

I am still in contact with exes from the past and we are friendly enough, don’t see each other but still on SM that kind of thing, so if the opportunity came up for a fwb with an ex would it always be a bad idea? Not saying it even would just something I’ve been thinking, obviously they would need to be single, it saves meeting anyone new and no chance would I want to be with an ex so can’t see feelings developing also wouldn’t want to bring strangers over to my house so a fwb with a stranger wouldn’t work for that reason as well. So is it always a no go?!

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 22:44

There are no rules, and very little protocol here. 100 people could say 'No! No way! I did it and it ruined my life!' but that wouldn't mean that it wouldn't work for you.

iliketartan · 27/12/2022 22:54

Just thinking of having sex with any of my exes makes me They're exes for a reason!

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 22:56

I posted this on another group and everyone told me not to go there 🤣 but I thought I might get more mixed opinions on here as it was a group for single parents so they probably mostly hate their exes, not all exes are exes for a reason sometimes things just didn’t work out but you are still fond of the person surely?!

OP posts:

Moser85 · 27/12/2022 23:01

If you're still fond of them then there's a chance of feelings developing again and more quickly too because of the shared history.

minticecreamisjustok · 27/12/2022 23:01

As long as you're both upfront to it being a fwb so that no one gets hurt.

However an ex you are well and truly over may no longer fancy you or you them.

It may stir up unexpected feelings and then you go through heartbreak for the second time.

It might work out with an ex you didn't have particularly deep feelings for?

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 27/12/2022 23:03

I did that and now we’ve been married for 15 years so BE WARNED!!!

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 23:07

Moser85 · 27/12/2022 23:01

If you're still fond of them then there's a chance of feelings developing again and more quickly too because of the shared history.

That can happen with a stranger though? Fond of someone doesn’t mean you want to be in a relationship with them, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with any of my exes doesn’t mean I don’t like them.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 23:09

minticecreamisjustok · 27/12/2022 23:01

As long as you're both upfront to it being a fwb so that no one gets hurt.

However an ex you are well and truly over may no longer fancy you or you them.

It may stir up unexpected feelings and then you go through heartbreak for the second time.

It might work out with an ex you didn't have particularly deep feelings for?

Yeh that’s the kind of situation I mean, I have exes who weren’t really proper relationships so not really any feelings there

OP posts:

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 23:09

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 27/12/2022 23:03

I did that and now we’ve been married for 15 years so BE WARNED!!!

Definitely wouldn’t happen 😬

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 28/12/2022 01:47

Did that many moons ago and it was fine - he was exceptional at it though, never met anyone as talented. It got a bit hollow for me after a few months of it though, just started feeling a tad empty so I guess it's not really my style. He moved abroad as I knew he would. We are still in friendly email contact though which is nice 10 years down the line, would never entertain him again though it that way. Overall no harm done, but that's maybe rare.

Monty27 · 28/12/2022 03:10

Exes are exes for a reason. I wouldn't. But it's up to you. Don't demolish your self esteem though.

Se7ener · 28/12/2022 03:21

My partner went off the physical side of things, so I have three FWB, all exes that I have stayed friends with.
It works well for me with strict ground rules.

AlmostSummer21 · 28/12/2022 03:50

@SpinningFloppa

it sounds like you're in quite an unusual position if you can't date or meet a new FWB you don't have history with, my opinion is based on that, as you don't want to give any details I'm assuming it's more serious situation than just because you have young kids& easy babysitting options.

it can work, but invariably it ends in hurt & upset. Ex or not. But you've said they'd have to be single. So presumably if they meet someone they want to have a relationship with, you'd put an end to it? Feeling 'not good enough' is hard to avoid, the fact that they want someone else more than you (even if you don't want a relationship with them) can make you feel pretty shit about yourself.

it's easy to convince yourself that you can remain emotionally disconnected, we're very good at convincing ourselves 'it'll all work out fine' whilst actually knowing it's a car crash in the making.

im in a shit situation currently with FWB, once I can get myself out of it, I will not be getting myself back into another..

FB would be better if I wasn't such an emotional person, I can do ONS, but the minute they become anything more, I'm unable to remain detached.

Kinneddar · 28/12/2022 03:54

My FWB is an ex. It works very well. I think part of the reason probably is because we've had a relationship - was years and years ago - & we know we're not going down that route again

LaBellina · 28/12/2022 04:04

I’ve done it and it made me feel humiliated, used and broke my heart again. I would absolutely never do it again and choose a ‘fresh’ FWB. Plenty of fish in the sea when it comes to men available for no strings attached sex.

Original poster

SpinningFloppa · 28/12/2022 09:27

Glad to hear it’s worked for some! No no chance of meeting someone new and don’t want to anyway, I don’t care if they meet someone else that can happen with a stranger as well surely? I do get what people are saying but all the things can also happen with a stranger not just an ex.

OP posts:

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