Constantly Sad

[Queenbee2019]

Partner decided a few months back out of no where he didn't want to be with me etc we have 9year old and 12 year old.

We've been living separate lives within the household with the odd family meal time thrown in to keep up appearances he works a away for a few weeks at a time so separate lives hasn't been hard to do apart from mentally on me.

He was the one who swept me off my feet etc thought we were perfect. The Month or so before the bomb shell we had been picking and niggling at each other but nothing major I put it down to tireness of full time work and stress of renovations.

We spent Xmas with my family which is 4 hrs from home and he spent all of about 40 hrs there before heading back home, I'm still there with kids not wanting to be as I want to be in my own house but also not wanting to go back as it doesn't feel like home anymore

Plan is I move into our 2nd home we own in February when tenants move out and kids will move too...

I'm not copying well at all with the emotional side of this we haven't told anyone our situation or plans

I cry everyday, I snap at the kids, I just want to go to bed... but on the other hand I want to see him, speak to him, check in etc. I love him so much

We haven't fell out we want to be on good terms for the kids and I'm very much trying to remember that when he has a go or a dig about something and I hold in my argument back so not to fall out

My biggest worry is the mental load it's going to be on the kids... its so out of the blue and no real reason for ending I'm scared it's going to break their world and we are going to see behaviour or emotional issues from them.

I want to try and make it work he says we need space he says the time in apart will do us good and never know it may help re spark etc

I'm like I'd rather try now before moving out so not to mess the kids around if we do decide to give it another go.

But says he would rather have the space first.

I'm lost... I feel alone I don't know what to do

I'm sorry but I think he is saying these things re having space etc as an excuse to split up. I guess he has already made up his mind.

You are living in limbo currently and that is the worst place to be ! Do you think he might have someone else? He's got the best deal here - splitting up but no one creating a fuss!

Sadly you seem in denial about him wanting to break up. I would suggest that you confide in someone - your parents maybe? You need to start thinking about yourself and your children as opposed to this man.

He says he doesn't have someone else

No he has said he does want to break up, I'm coming to terms with that but he's also saying the space may do us good

I would just rather try first then call it quits in a few months rather than living separate now and then again in different houses for us then to decide to give it another go

@Queenbee2019 Most men won’t want to break up their family like this without their being someone else or the relationship being unbearable. Therefore as this has come out the blue I would put money on it that there is someone else somewhere.

I think you need to see a solicitor.
Is he your husband or partner. He's trying to split from you, and he's manipulating this to suit him best.

You must tell someone, this is too much to bear on your own, get some support.

I know it's incredibly hard but you must not trust him any further to help you or show mercy, he's a complete shit to you and his children and you need to find your anger.

Tell the children as well.

Space my arse, he's trying out another model, don't let him come back.

Yes but he doesn't want to. He wants out and the "space" talk is just him trying to make it easier for himself. Men are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they have another to hold on to.

Keep an eye on the financials as well, he's biding his time till he can manipulate the situation as best for him.

Don't allow another woman to rip your kids off.

Him talking about how 'space may help' is just him trying to keep you sweet and lighten the atmosphere for the next six weeks until you move out.

And there absolutely is another woman. Don't be fooled for a second.