I really dont know what to do

[reachforthebloodymary]

I have been with my DP for 11 years now, since covid and lockdown, we have not been getting on, his drinking has gotten a lot worse and with this I think he is lying about money, the big wtf example, he use to transfer all his wage into our joint account, bar maybe £100, in November, we had a takeaway and he transferred £600 less because he paid for the takeaway out of his account (yes really) but we have been struggling on. There have been a lot of other little things but this was the was the thing, where I went what the actual fuck and then I had the promises that he would transfer the rest later on, which never happened.

We are not doing well financially, so this screwed us on so many different levels. I know it sounds daft written down, but I actually put this to one side, to deal with all the other stuff I was dealing with.

I am LC with my brother (for reasons that are about to become obvious), but he sent me a screenshot a couple weeks ago, of my partner's grandfather's will, who died back in August. and asking to borrow money

The basic is, my partner gets a quarter of the money, which could be anything from 15k-40k I think. My partner has not mentioned this at all. I have asked him outright, if he was going to get anything and he said no.

Last night, I had a proper conversation with him about it, told him I knew he was getting this money and again he has denied knowing anything. The thing is the executor of the will is the same person who dealt with another relative's will and he told my partner nearly straight away, that he was going to inherit., it is possible he might not know anything, but based on everything I honestly think he is bullshitting me.

The main thing that stands out to me, is the lack of trust and respect I have for him, regardless of whether he knew and hid it or didn't know. But he wants to stay together and work it out.

I do love him regardless, but I am worth a lot more than this and the money actually will make it easier for me to say enough go, because at least I know he will have enough for a rent deposit and 6 months rent, but then I go back to the thought, that he has supported me through some really shit times in the last 10 years and I am just getting back on track and would it be fair to give him a damn chance and work all this out, but then if we say give it 6 months, the money might be mostly gone and then it will be more difficult to tell him to leave knowing he has no where to go.

I dont think they would speak to me about it, I am not a relative or in the will.

It also feels distasteful to me, to do that, even just asking if they had spoken to DP about it, feels grabby iyswim, especially if they dont understand why I am asking

@ValerieDoonican when I did talk to him about it, he said he was sorting out his individual bills and buying things from his account, which was true, but not £600 worth even for Christmas. He only had 2 to buy for

Probate has been granted according to that, but thats all I know, so I dont know whether the executor has to inform people before or after that, whether the money in the end is the money before any bills or funeral costs has come out, and whether they need to sell her property first.

For all I know the executor has decided not to mention it till everything is sorted. There might also be a bit of care taken as to how to handle it to my partner because the only reason he is inheriting, is because his parent has died, so he is getting their share. Which is a shitty position to be in

I senae you're not overly impressed by his explanation - and neither am I. Are you supposed to just put up with this?

Regardless of how he may have supported you in the past, its looking like he is not that person any longer, sadly. It could be the drinking that has shifted his priorities away from you and wholly onto himself, or maybe he has just fallen out oflove with you. But if he doesn't accept there is a problem here, he won't see any reason to change, will he?