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Original poster

Partner hates me going out ...what do I do?

33 replies

closethedongdong · 27/12/2022 14:27

We have been together 2 years and live together.
Lately it's been miserable
She quit her job so now has no money to do anything.
She has a couple of friends but doesn't seem them often.
I have a few friends I see regularly.
Tonight I'm going out with one of them,she isn't happy
She said she doesn't want to see any pictures as it's rubbing her nose in it.
She says if it was other way around she wouldn't leave me in alone.
I popped to my dads Christmas Day -she wasn't happy
She cried saying she felt alone
Christmas Eve we went for a meal and drinks and I paid and Boxing Day we went out
So it's not like I'm not taking her on nights out.
I just feel guilty
Then she says she should move back home (5 hours away ) so she has friends again

Am i in wrong?

OP posts:
sunflowerandivy · 27/12/2022 14:31

This sounds like it's doomed to fail.
She's emotionally manipulating you.
Sounds awful. Maybe she should move back home. Why did she quit her job? Is there another on the horizon?

Dotcheck · 27/12/2022 14:31

She should definitely move back home.
I don’t think it’s impossible to have a relationship with someone if you have different levels of introvertism, it IS shitty of her to resent you for choices she makes

Googlecanthelpme · 27/12/2022 14:31

No you’re not in the wrong.

Shes an adult and has to take full responsibility for her own happiness, which includes her social life.

I completely appreciate what it is like living away from family and friends, it’s hard and it can be really lonely sometimes, however she either has to suck it up and try and find her own social life, hobbies and friends or come to terms that she’s sacrificed this for her relationship or she has to move back.

None of those options involve guilt tripping you for having friends and trying to isolate you from your social circle.

She’s putting this on you and it really is not your problem to solve. She needs to grow up frankly.

Wanderingoff · 27/12/2022 14:32

Tell her youll help her pack

SummerHouse · 27/12/2022 14:32

No you are not in the wrong. Her behaviour is controlling and unfair. In any good relationship you want your partner to be able to do what they want and see who they want. Appreciate that she is not in a good place but she needs to do something about this rather than relying on you. If she were a he this thread would be full of LBTs.

Original poster
closethedongdong · 27/12/2022 14:32

She didn't move here to be with me
She's lived up here for 8 years now
Last week she was saying she hates back home ..so I don't get why she's now saying this
Unless it's because I'm going out
I don't even want to go out now

OP posts:
Beamur · 27/12/2022 14:34

She sounds unhappy but manipulative.
If she got another job she'd have money to go out.

ButterflyOil · 27/12/2022 14:34

What has she been doing in the way of job hunting?

DatingDinosaur · 27/12/2022 14:36

Let her move back home.

No you're not in the wrong.

She's got issues she needs to address.

No you can't address them for her.

Generally, around 2 years is make or break time for a relationship - the cracks start to show or you grow closer. The cracks are starting to show in yours.

Climbles · 27/12/2022 14:37

Well she’ll be even lonelier if she manages to drive you away. Why didn’t she come with you on Christmas Day?

MerryChristmasTree · 27/12/2022 14:37

Go out!

itwasntmetho · 27/12/2022 14:38

She's manipulating you.

Buy her a train ticket home.

TwilightSkies · 27/12/2022 14:39

You’ll never be happy together. She wants to isolate you.

itwasntmetho · 27/12/2022 14:41

If she were a he this thread would be full of LBTs.

It is full of LTB's, you're looking for double standards where there are none.

Frith2013 · 27/12/2022 14:42

Leave her.

Enjoy 2023.

PearlclutchersInc · 27/12/2022 14:43

Why did she quit her job??

This relationship is is coming to an end. I think that's how she sees it and she's egging you into telling her so rather than making the decision herself

I think you both need to have a good sit-down and decide where you want to go from here. Together.

And, since she's being miserable just go out as staying in isn't going to change anything.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 27/12/2022 14:45

SummerHouse · 27/12/2022 14:32

No you are not in the wrong. Her behaviour is controlling and unfair. In any good relationship you want your partner to be able to do what they want and see who they want. Appreciate that she is not in a good place but she needs to do something about this rather than relying on you. If she were a he this thread would be full of LBTs.

Go back and read the comments (I'd say 'again' but this suggests you haven't bothered).

Most responses are in the LBT category. All question the viability of the relationship.

page1of4 · 27/12/2022 14:45

She's emotionally unstable and dragging you down with her. She needs to get help for her mental health, get a job and get her own life if this will survive without making you miserable. What do you think are the chances of her doing any of this in the next say 4 weeks?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/12/2022 14:47

Don't be emotionally manipulated. See how you don't want to go out now anyway? That since good control she's getting.

Go out anyway.

Make plans to leave her.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/12/2022 14:48

some good control

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/12/2022 14:49

Send her packing. Emotionally abusive, lazy and controlling. You deserve so much better. Make 2023 your new start - alone.

EmmaAgain22 · 27/12/2022 14:51

OP "I don't even want to go out now"

and that's what she was aiming for.

go out. Have fun. And break it off.

MamaFirst · 27/12/2022 14:56

The first comment she sounds extremely needy, the second comment sounds like she's manipulating you.

You need to talk to her and explain its normal for you both to have social lives and do things apart from eachother. I would be sympathetic, it is really hard not having friends and being the one left at home - but she has to help herself.

Why didnt she go with you to your Dad's? Maybe she should move back home for a bit, see how your relationship fares at a distance and what you both want to do going forward. If she stays, she needs to find a new job and put effort into meeting people and making her own life. Maybe you could make some suggestions as to starting a hobby or join a group where she could meet people depending on her interests.

pinneddownbytabbies · 27/12/2022 14:58

Why didn't you both go to your dad's on Christmas Day?

Watchkeys · 27/12/2022 15:00

What do you do? You do what you want to do. If you want to go out, you go out. If you want to do parachute jumps, you do parachute jumps. If you want to spend an entire week knitting without eating or sleeping, you spend an entire week knitting without eating or sleeping.

Then, you have a look at the people who like you as you are, and the people who don't. You work out if there are any changes you would like to make, and you remove the people from your life who disapprove of you and your lifestyle.

You are the one who tells you if you're right or wrong. Outside of laws, there are no rules about how we should live; we each have to make our own.

So, do you want one of the rules in your life to be that if you want your partner to be nice to you, you stop socialising? Do you want to be in a situation where someone else has given up their income and relies on ours, without discussing that with you first?