DP didn’t buy anything for my Birthday

[Pointsettia2]

I’m posting in relationships but AIBU to be sad about this?

It’s my birthday today and as of last night DP hadn’t bought a single gift, nor made any plans. It’s my first year as a Mum - a much wished for IVF baby and he hadn’t got anything from my DD for me either.

Consequently he dashed off early this morning, and brought a few things home. I don’t want them now.

I’m not at all materialistic and feel I sound spoilt for being upset about this. Maybe I am? It’s just the thoughtlessness and feeling like he doesn’t care about me.

Has he always been like this or since DD arrived? It is very thoughtless and I would be very upset too. I get sick of the old 'oh you know what men are like' excuse too. At the very least it would have been lovely to get your first 'happy birthday mummy' card.

Yes that is crap. I would also be hurt.

No, that’s shit. There’s no excuse for it and I would be telling him that.

Yes it is hurtful and crap.

Has he always been like this? Do you think he's trying to surprise you later?

My now exh did the same for my birthday just 6 days after I'd had our first DS. I was post csection and struggling with feeding so it just added to how crap I felt.
He also ended up going out on the day to get a couple of shit zero thought gifts.
I feel your pain. It's not as if a birthday is a surprise event!

I ask because if this is a first for him, my next thought is that he's trying to do the typical surprise thing where the person thinks you've forgotten or don't care, then you surprise them. So I'd wait till the end of the day to decide.

If he's always been like this, then that's sad and you should have a word with him about it. Perhaps you not saying anything so far means he thinks you're okay with it.

What on earth has gaslighted you into thinking you are ‘spoilt’ for expecting a present on your birthday from someone who apparently loves you?

My ex was like this, every bloody occasion I'd be worrying he hadn't bothered/remembered.

It never improved. He's an ex now

Did you talk about it beforehand? DH struggles with present buying or making a big deal of birthdays (which I love) so I always say what I’d like to do OR ask him to organise a surprise that he thinks I’d enjoy. We’ll also talk beforehand about what gifts I’d like.

Another thought if this a first for him and he's not trying to surprise you with something, then he's accidentally forgotten. That's still something to be hurt over, so you're not being unreasonable to feel disappointed either way.

Is it part of a bigger picture of thoughtlessness or a completely misread the room thing? Has he ever been good at choosing gifts?

Not buying something 'from the baby' is totally normal to me. Did he know you expected to be bought something from the baby?

Something DH and I did very early on in our relationship was to agree not to buy each other presents. Over the years this has saved us from a lot of grief.

My husband did this the first Christmas after our daughter was born. He's never done it since. Tell him. And tell him a mad dash to the shops doesn't make it better. What a dick. Happy birthday OP

We don't do presents and wouldn't do presents from children who aren't old enough to hand it over. We do however talk about what we want to do as doing something is preferred over gifts for us.

Having said that if you guys normally do presents then YANBU to be upset. There was a thread on here where a DH did this and he was looking forward to his birthday as the OP always made it special but the OP did the same thing to him. Apparently it got the point across.