Why do people s#it stir?

[Oddoneoutx]

Advice needed.
my partner of 2 years has a female friend.
I’ve only seen her a couple times but both times I’ve made her feel welcome.

anyhow she has started telling him lies about me and things I have apparently said. I defended myself to him the first time and then she’s come back with more.

I know I haven’t said any of this but I can’t prove it.

but it’s not so much about wanting to prove myself it’s trying to understand why she is doing it?!
why do people start making up lies and stirring trouble between people.
he’s adamant she’s telling the truth as she’s a person “ that wouldn’t lie” 😞

Honestly, I would concentrate on why he believes you are the sort of person that would say these things.

People shit stir for all sorts of reasons. She may just enjoy it, get entertainment out of it. She may hate you or love him.

But shit stirring only works if the people involved let it. You don’t need to prove anything. He either believes you or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t, it’s not a solid relationship.

Because they are bored or jealous but your main issue here is your partner. If my DH believed a friend over me he could go live with that friend as our marriage would be over. He doesn't trust you.

They do it to gain control and it’s driven by low self esteem. She is creating chaos and out of that chaos she bonds people to her. That’s a lot easier to do when people are in high states of negative emotion especially anger and hurt.

At her core she has never felt a friendship or love bond and therefore cannot see why these things are freely given without lies or manipulation. She doesn’t see that friendship and love are worthless if gained in this way. It is a dismal cycle of low self esteem being fed by a belief that people choose her. Deep down she knows they don’t. More lies.

The question here is are you going to accept your partner believing his female friend is telling the truth regarding something about you which you know is a lie and he's backing her and not you.
You don't need to prove anything.

She's jealous and trying to split yous up. She wants him.

Why is he telling you all this? If you dont normally have contact with her, why does he imagine youre off picking fights?

Sounds like he may be creating a drama triangle. I'd just tell him to keep it to himself, you don't need to know what she says about you.

Google triangulation psychology and you'll understand why. Then decide if you want to be a part of the game.