Situationship

[mummaB89]

I've been having sex with a guy from work. Was a bit of flirting over text which lead to what I thought would be a one night stand. After said one night stand he messaged me "more where that came from" fast forward 6 months were still having sex. We don't have any other conversation as such. It's literally just a quick hook up. Now I've started to like this guy but I'm too scared of rejection to ask him out. Is this just sex for him or should I ask him for a drink

Just be honest.

”I’m starting to like you. Do you want to go on a date or something? What do you think?”

You’re having regular sex so there’s no point being shy about anything. Don’t try to be ‘cool’. State what you would like.

And you must risk rejection or you sign up for hurt.

Thank you! I should add he had plans to go away for a weekend but cancelled them to spend the night in a hotel with me 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sounds like he’s into you! Be brave and speak your mind!

Hmmm I think if he liked you he'd want to chat to you. It sounds like you're a hook up for him.

Agree with this

If you don't have any other conversation I'm sorry but I think he views this as just sex and doesn't want a relationship. But there is only one way for you to find out but be prepared for him to give you some line about not being ready for a relationship.

Maybe suggest a meal next time too, see what he says. It might be that he feels the same

Try having a chat, or to do something together

He’s using you for sex. You’re either happy to be used, or you end it and instate some boundaries for yourself.

Really 🙄

I also don’t think he’s interested if you never talk.

Who paid for the night in the hotel and whose idea was it?? If it was his idea and his cost then maybe there is a chance. Otherwise no

How did the hotel come about?

I'd tell him but be prepared for the current situation to come to an end either way.

I'm sorry to say I think if he was interested in anything more than sex he'd have taken the initiative to invite you out for a drink/dinner himself.

As for the hotel thing, I've seen it happen before with situationships where the guy seemingly prioritises the woman, giving her false hope that it's turning into something more, when he's really just prioritising his desire to have sex.

If you want to see where this goes then I'd let him know you're starting to feel more interest and see what he does with that.

If he asks you out on a nice date without sex/ reciprocates to any extent then great. If not, seeing as you work together, you need to be prepared to stop having sex and end it civilly by saying something like 'it's been really fun but I think best if we're just friends from now on. I respect that you don't feel the same and don't want to be hurt'. Don't be tempted into any more hookups once youve shown your interest unless he seems genuinely keen. There's an imbalance otherwise and it will get messy/ painful.

If you're happy just to have sex then fine, but keep reminding yourself that's all this is, compartmentalise, and probably look elsewhere too for someone who is more of a match.

If I'm honest though, after 6 months of sleeping together, with work in common at least, I would have expected any common ground to start to show itself and conversation develop somewhat if it was going to. I could be wrong, it could be a slow burner but just speaking from experience.

We get on well inside of weird, banter well and he has covered a mistake or two I've made. The hotel was already booked. I was going on a night out with friends and getting home would be a nightmare. He iverheard a conversation I was having and asked who I was staying with, what time I'd be back etc I said feel free to meet me he said he had plans to travel but could go the following morning instead. I said leave it if you have plans he said no I'll come meet you so we spent the night together. Had sec cuddled in bed and he went the following day as planned. He is a VERY good looking man like I'm so punching. I'm not stupid enough (despite how stupid I sound in this post) to believe he couldn't have any woman he wanted. Maybe he does I don't know. I think I'll leave it though. Im not ballsy enough to risk getting knocked back although I do believe if anything went tits up things would remain civil at work. I've tried to pull away before and we've not had sex for a few weeks and things weren't awkward between us but he doesn't let me walk away for long and I can't resist 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think you do like him though, I think you're just bonding yourself to him and moving into sunken costs fallacy territory.

You don't have an emotional, intellectual connection with this person. If you did it would have developed some by now.

Carry on sleeping with him if you want to, but stop any limerance in its tracks. He slept at the hotel with you because it was a guaranteed ball-emptying opportunity. Don't romanticise it.

I don't say that to be mean. He probably likes you a lot as a f**k buddy, but he's not making moves to be in your life any further than that.

@Hearmeout I think you're right. I mean I don't know a lot about this guy really other than what he's like in the sack. If I really think about it I like the attention and I'm kinda pissed that he hasn't asked me out. I'm a firm believer in a man should be a man and invite a woman out which has been what's stopped me asking him for a drink or whatever

Yeah sorry, no disrespect but the hotel wasn't significant, it just didn't affect his plans as he could.go the next day. I think fine if you want to ask him and put this to bed (pardon the pun), but don't be building it into something it most probably isn't whilst carrying on the sex and hoping he'll ask you. It doesn't sound like you have much of a connection tbh if you haven't really got to know each other in this time. Sorry to be quite blunt but I've been there!

Be careful with letting him cover for you too. This doesn't sound like it'll go sour but you don't want to make a habit of that in case it comes out later.

He's not into you. He is using you for sex.

Get out now before he meets a woman he does actually want and dumps you for her.

I agree with @Hearmeout . It did occur to me, how could you be developing real feelings if you don't really talk?

Given your update, it sounds like you really fancy him and like the attention, and you're interpreting that as genuine feelings. The good news is, if you don't really have an emotional connection, it should make moving on from him easier.

This is just sex or he'd be inviting you to dinner with him not just to his hotel room. I wouldn't ask for more.
Unless he's young and living with parents, I'd suspect he's in a relationship if he only stays in hotels with you.

Agree with everyone else, if he meet the right woman you wouldn’t see him for dust. Don’t invest and keep your options open.

Thank you all. I'm gonna try and give him a wide birth

I've willingly had loads of situationships and when I met my now boyfriend I originally thought it would be the same. But it very quickly became obvious it was much more meaningful than that. There was a world of difference between the way he acted towards me and how the others had acted. He had no intention of getting into a relationship but when you click with someone there is no stopping it!
So you need to decide what you want from this.....if you can handle just sex and can see what he really is to you then that's fine but if you're getting clingy then set yourself free!