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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Claire's Law

18 replies

thisisme3322 · 27/12/2022 00:43

Hello everyone,
I was wondering if anyone here has made an application under Claire's Law?
I am currently in the process of splitting from my Husband and he has become quite aggressive with me a couple of times. He scares me at times when he gets angry.
I really want to find out if there has been a history of violence.
I have looked into Claire's Law but I read one article that said if the police do feel they need to disclose anything then they have to tell the person who they are disclosing the information about. It has really worried me about making an application now as it would be so obvious that it is me.
So if anyone could share their own experience with this, that would be very helpful.
I already have a post on the relationship bit so I hope this isn't classed as a spam thread. But if so I could add a new post onto the end of that.
Thank you xxx

OP posts:

Pixiedust1234 · 27/12/2022 00:57

No they don't. The law was put in place to help protect those closest to the alleged violent person. You can always put your mind at rest and ask the police (and any other questions regarding the application, eg timeline) before doing the actual application itself. I'm so sorry you feel you are in such a bad relationship that you need to do this

starinthenightsky · 27/12/2022 01:07

Hi OP, well done for getting out.

I made a claries law application earlier this year following the end of relationship with an abusive man. The police told me directly they do NOT tell the person you are enquiring about. This is to protect you. They are very careful. When you make the application, someone will usually ring you within a week or so to check you're safe and you can ask any questions you have before they make the full check. You will then need to send ID and sign a non disclosure as you can not share the information with anyone. They do it face to face and will read everything out (if there is anything). It includes if someone reports them for domestic abuse, stalking, harassment ect and any convictions of either of those but it may be time barred. You can not take notes or record the conversation. Good luck Xx

PieonaBarm · 27/12/2022 01:10

They don't tell them, but if you're splitting and the relationship is over they might not tell you anything.

How long have you been together? It might be that there's nothing to tell you that you wouldn't already know if it's been a long relationship

PieonaBarm · 27/12/2022 01:12

The disclosure is decided by a panel too, so please do apply, they'll disclose if they think it's relevant. The law is there to safeguard you and help you make decisions to keep yourself safe

SpinningFloppa · 27/12/2022 01:16

No they don’t

Original poster

thisisme3322 · 27/12/2022 01:19

Thank you for the replies, that has put my mind at rest a bit.
We have been together for 6 years but around 3 months ago I found out he was married before the previous marraige which I knew about and he has another 2 children with 2 different women (3 wives, 6 children by 4 different women).
I have a 3 month old with him and I fear I do not know this mam as well as I thought. He had me pinned up by the throat a couple of months ago and although he has not been violent since, when he gets angry it scares me.
I am in the process of moving in with my Mum but I have to go back to our house to move my belongings and I need to have conversation with him about money and the house - these often make him angry.
He is also getting angry because I have changed since having my daughter and he can't control me anymore. I am much stronger and I am moving on with building a life for just us two. We deserve better.
I just feel I need to know what I am dealing with.
xxx

OP posts:

FoxCorner · 27/12/2022 01:23

I'm worried for you when you leave op. Would the police be able to be there when you leave?

FoxCorner · 27/12/2022 01:24

Pinning you up by the throat means he's dangerous

Original poster

thisisme3322 · 27/12/2022 01:34

Well unfortunately at times I am having to stay there overnight as my house is such a drive away from my Mum's. I have so much stuff to sort out there.
When I stay overnight I sleep with a heavy duty door stop wedged in the bedroom door to prevent him from coming in.
Maybe I am being paranoid but there is something that scares me about him and as I say I feel I don't even know him anymore.
He doesn't see the first 2 children and the second wife has stopped him from seeing the other 3 now following an argument. He made out to me like she was a nutcase (this is before the discovery of the other children and marriage) but now I am wondering if he got angry with her and if he had previously been violent with her.
xxx

OP posts:

longcoffeebreak · 27/12/2022 05:00

Argh I don't like the sound of that I wouldn't stay there. A determined and angry man will make short work of a door.

It's hard though because involving others to help can make them really cross whereas trying to keep it low key is less confrontational.

Unthinkable8 · 27/12/2022 05:26

I've done C's law twice & bloody glad I did too when I found out. They don't tell the other person. Sounds like you need someone with you when you go back.

JoyBeorge · 27/12/2022 10:50

Honestly If you are that concerned about his behaviour that you're considering a Claire's Law disclosure then i think you need to take this a little more seriously and stop staying there overnight full stop, no matter how inconvenient it might be for you. You also need to make sure that someone is with you when you discuss things which are likely to make him angry.

musicandpassion · 27/12/2022 11:14

I'm so sorry this is happening to you
I don't think you should be staying overnight. As a PP said, if he wants to get in then a doorstop won't stop him.
Did you report it when he held you by your throat? Maybe you should, as it would pop up if his next girlfriend was to request a CL disclosure.
Stay safe

NotReallySure · 27/12/2022 15:32

Anyone done this in Scotland? I started for ex husband too but so many details needed about children involved and stuff and I figured it might start getting outside agencies involved regardless of the result!

Halloumi22 · 27/12/2022 16:36

Hope you’re okay OP.
They won’t tell them you’ve applied and will usually ask that you’re alone to arrange the disclosure. The most they might do is ask if you’re going to tell them you’ve had the disclosure but make you aware you’re not to make the information public to anyone else.
They usually won’t give you the information if you’ve separated but living together still or still having to have contact for children etc could still deem it relevant.
If your force is good they should also ask you what you plan to do with the information and give you some ongoing support with things like non-mols/personal safety if relevant. If they don’t and you go ahead with the application, please ask whoever gives you the disclosure what additional support can be offered, usually through safeguarding departments.
It won’t usually give you absolutely everything on their record, just anything relevant to your safety so incidents of violence whether in a domestic capacity or not. Just be mindful that only something that was reported to or attended by the police will be there to disclose so, your own instinct and feelings around his behaviour is enough for you to decide, whatever the outcome.

Original poster

thisisme3322 · 28/12/2022 22:38

Thank you everyone. I hadn't initially reported the incident because I was so shocked with the whole thing and I was terrified social services would get involved.
However, I have now completed the application and put on there about the incident. My worry is when he wants access to our daughter. I really don't like how he is, he just leaves her crying and it is upsetting. He told me that with one of his other children who had colic, he left her on the swing downstairs whilst he got a few hours sleep. Whilst I recognise it can be difficult when a baby is crying all the time, leaving them for hours is worrying.
I think he will want to see her purely because he wants to get to me. He gets bored of looking after her after an hour.
xxx

OP posts:

Halloumi22 · 29/12/2022 09:12

Good for you OP.

I totally get the shocked part and see so many people who worry social services will get involved.
What you have to remember is you haven’t done anything wrong and if they were involved, they would only be there to protect children and providing you worked with them, there wouldn’t be any issues with you. Despite the bad rep they get, they can refer you into other support services too.
Reporting the incident to the police is a good step too alongside the application and will help you make a decision around what you want to do child contact wise. He doesn’t sound like a very responsible parent at all but remember you’re doing the right things - yours and children’s safety must always come first and your instincts are telling you something for a reason.

Have you got people around you who you can talk to and ask for support from too? Or feel free to post here for advice etc if it helps.

category12 · 29/12/2022 09:20

Do you have family or friends or friends of friends with a van and willingness to help? Because it'd be better to just go with company, get everything you need and get it done, rather than having to do it piecemeal putting yourself at such risk.

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