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Original poster

Not spent Christmas with him

49 replies

Vickerygood · 26/12/2022 22:53

My boyfriend has 2 teenage daughters aged 16 and 17. I accepted this when we met. He saw them Christmas Day and one of them stopped over for Boxing Day. He said he would video call me on Boxing Day night. About 8pm on Boxing Day night he said his daughter is stopping over and he isn't free till Wednesday 28th December. He has said he won't video call with his daughters which is fair enough but tonight I just felt cast aside. So in effect I last saw him on Christmas Eve morning and have not spent Christmas with him and just a 20 minute video call on Christmas morning. It just feels a bit hurtful.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 27/12/2022 00:22

Vickerygood · 27/12/2022 00:18

Yet he has time to approve member requests and posts on a Facebook group he runs.

It’s not the same!

Have you met/ spent much time with his daughters?
Can you not see why they wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with a stranger?
Perhaps your boyfriend just wants a some uncomplicated time with his daughters?

countbackfromten · 27/12/2022 00:32

@Vickerygood I get the disappointment that he hasn’t wanted to talk properly to you and sorry you have had such harsh responses. This is a challenging time of year for dating and especially dating someone with children. It is understandable that you would want to briefly talk and that shouldn’t be out of the question, it isn’t like he is abandoning his daughters if he calls you for a few minutes.

twatmas · 27/12/2022 13:06

Behaving like this would make me go the opposite way if I was your partner.

His children are and will always be a priority, rightly so.

And the way you say you 'accepted' his children? It's not your place to 'accept' than or not.

Maybe he with someone who doesn't have children and has a lot of free time to spare.

Ramsbottom · 27/12/2022 13:09

Oh my, this is very needy op. Six months in and you want to spend Xmas with him and his kids, say you accepted he had kids, like that’s a thing, and then need to talk to him daily and can’t give him space

is there a back story to your behaviour? It’s deeply unattractive and generally pushes people away, it would me.

Pinkballoon5 · 27/12/2022 20:01

Totally get Ur point of view. Xmas is nearly over now. See what the next year brings u

Weepachu · 27/12/2022 20:03

Vickerygood · 26/12/2022 22:53

My boyfriend has 2 teenage daughters aged 16 and 17. I accepted this when we met. He saw them Christmas Day and one of them stopped over for Boxing Day. He said he would video call me on Boxing Day night. About 8pm on Boxing Day night he said his daughter is stopping over and he isn't free till Wednesday 28th December. He has said he won't video call with his daughters which is fair enough but tonight I just felt cast aside. So in effect I last saw him on Christmas Eve morning and have not spent Christmas with him and just a 20 minute video call on Christmas morning. It just feels a bit hurtful.

A friend went through this for years. It’s an excuse. Get out now while you can with your sanity intact. Don’t be gaslit.

America12 · 27/12/2022 20:40

Are you very young?

Ilovelurchers · 27/12/2022 20:45

If the relationship progresses then next year or the year after he may well want you there at Christmas with his kids. I didn't introduce my partner to my daughter till we had been together for a year - we all live together half the time now!

Is it more that you didn't hear from him much, OP? That I can understand more. I wouldn't mind a partner spending Xmas with their kids (of course) but after 6 months I would expect at least a few texts.

Bananarama21 · 27/12/2022 20:50

Didn't you post the same thread the other day be arsed his dds weren't ready to meet you after 6 months?

JackieDaws · 27/12/2022 20:54

Are you bored, OP? Are you after a bit of drama in your life?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/12/2022 21:12

Eatentoomanyroses · 26/12/2022 23:11

Even men with kids, make it happen somehow. If they’re very interested in you they’ll try and make you feel special in other ways. When I was dating my husband who had kids, he arranged for a Christmas weekend away a few days before Christmas Day and gave me his gifts. Boxing Day he came to get me and did a beautiful meal. Yours doesn’t sound like he’s trying very hard. He could have nipped out for a walk or something and called. Sounds like he’s hiding behind the kids to put minimal effort in.

So your husband would have told his kids he was busy on Boxing Day if they had wanted to see him? Sounds a right catch!

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2022 21:21

Im actually going to disagree with the majority. I think your first Christmas with a new bf should be a special time. I also don't see why he couldn't call you just because his teenage daughters were there. I mean, are you sure he isn't married? Because let's face it, boixing day or not, his teens are going to be in their rooms half the time on the phone to THEIR friends.

Eatentoomanyroses · 27/12/2022 21:24

@YaWeeFurryBastard no. His kids were back at their mum’s. What I’m saying is that he should be finding a day around the Xmas periods to make special with his new gf.

anythinginapinch · 27/12/2022 21:52

Blooody hell. Daughters old enough to know and appreciate dad being with them, or new squeeze ... hmm some choice that is.

somethingslastforever · 27/12/2022 21:56

Eatentoomanyroses · 27/12/2022 21:24

@YaWeeFurryBastard no. His kids were back at their mum’s. What I’m saying is that he should be finding a day around the Xmas periods to make special with his new gf.

Oh for god sake, make it special with his new gf. You and the OP need to grow up.

MadameDe · 27/12/2022 22:08

Some men use family as a convenient excuse for avoiding meetings. I can see OP's perspective. I've been in this situation before and completely accepted that he wanted to spend time with his kids and family. It turned out said man was involved with someone else.

For the posts saying 6 months isn't that long - it's long enough to know if someone isn't right and also to know if the relationship has potential as a long term partner. Personally, at 6 months I would be expecting to meet friends and family. If it wasn't forthcoming I'd be leaving him.

CornishGem1975 · 27/12/2022 22:13

Agree generally that there's nothing wrong with him spending the time with his kids instead but come on, he could surely squeeze 5 mins for a video call. It's not like their toddlers, they are young adults who are probably glued to their own phones. So that sounds like an excuse, and if I'd been dating someone for 6 months (which I wouldn't consider "new") I'd probably feel a bit hurt that he couldn't spare literal minutes.

Ramsbottom · 27/12/2022 22:32

CornishGem1975 · 27/12/2022 22:13

Agree generally that there's nothing wrong with him spending the time with his kids instead but come on, he could surely squeeze 5 mins for a video call. It's not like their toddlers, they are young adults who are probably glued to their own phones. So that sounds like an excuse, and if I'd been dating someone for 6 months (which I wouldn't consider "new") I'd probably feel a bit hurt that he couldn't spare literal minutes.

She’d a 20 min video call with him Christmas morning, why does he need to do daily calls? That’s so disturbing.

Eatentoomanyroses · 27/12/2022 22:49

@somethingslastforever and some people need to raise their expectations.

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2022 22:50

It's not 'distubing'.

Tbf it would annoy me if a partner needed to be in contact everyday. But this is their first Christmas, it's perfectly normal to want to talk on Christmas day and boxing day.

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2022 22:50

*disturbing

Youngatheart00 · 27/12/2022 22:51

Do you text much? It might be difficult to find the time for a call, especially a FaceTime, but does he stay in touch throughout the day?

Xmasgrinchywinchy · 27/12/2022 23:16

6 months! That’s no time if he has teenage children. I’m afraid that you’re much too new to be demanding Christmas. Next year, maybe but not after 6 months

cinnamonpearl · 28/12/2022 17:07

How old are you? You seem to have stopped responding to posters now the consensus is that you are being unreasonable....

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