How do I make my peace with this?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I feel really trapped. I'm also nervous as I've posted about this before and had some really unpleasant replies. But I just don't know how to proceed.

MIL and step FIL show very little interest in us and SIL and her family. They lavish their 3 bio children. It has always been the way, even when DH was 14 and the younger half siblings came along. DH had to share a bedroom with 3 infants, his 21st passed without even a gift, last year I broke my arm and needed help with the 2 children- MIL said she'd come but charged us for her flight (they moved 500 miles away not for work or anything - just because they wanted to) then bought all the younger ones driving lessons.

We've called them out on some of it but met with flat denial.

This year feels particularly hard. All 4 of us are ill. MiL nor FIL has shown any concern at all. We've just had updates about how lovely and snowy and idyllic their Xmas is with the 3 little ones. SIL asked to stay for Xmas but was told no room.

One of the 3 kids got a car for Xmas. DH got a book. One child got a dvd and the other a pair of gloves at least 2 years too big.

I hate it. I can't find peace with it. It makes my blood boil. One day the other kids will have children and our children will realise how unfairly they are treated.

DH's bio dad is an abusive drunk who cut us off last year after DH asked for an apology after months of abusive messages. So it's not like we even have him.

I hate it. I've tried to accept it but I can't.

Sorry I've been unclear there- the 'little ones' are the 3 younger half siblings, all adults now.

The children with the dvd and gloves are our children, aged 4 and 2.

• give up on hoping for or expecting anything different from them
• try practising "radical acceptance". Look it up. This is not a one-off exercise but an ongoing process
• think "grey rock". You're giving these people so much control over how you feel - it's not healthy
• Your kids will feel how they feel, you can't prevent that by boiling your blood now

None of this advice is easy but it will work

Great advice from @Grimsknee
I would add, the only part of this you can control
now is your responses. They won't change. They won't suddenly treat you differently.
Instead think about letting go and expecting nothing from them. Then you won't feel disappointed. Lower your expectations and find other relationships that give you support.

I agree with those who say 'the only person's behaviour you can change is your own'.

My DH (a Yorkshireman) says 'I don't expect nowt where there is nowt'.

Reduce contact with these people to as little as possible and try and spend time with people who make you feel good, not people who drag you down.

They won't change, now plan your life and relationship around that. Maybe it's good that your kids know who they are, but in a way and frequency that they don't give a shit how much they're loved.