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Original poster

Woman saved on phone

16 replies

Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 18:49

Desperate in need of some MN wisdom.
DP was showing me something on WhatsApp, then I asked to see a video someone else had sent him which he had mentioned to me. When going from one chat to another he tilted his phone ever so slightly so I couldn’t see it. Very subtle but very intentional. Made me wonder so later when he was in a quick shower I sneaked a look, I went onto WhatsApp and there was nothing odd looking until I looked at the calls and I saw something.

There was a call or two, don’t even know if it was inbound outbound or missed I couldn’t really take the information in. It was a woman. I know who this women is, some of DP’s friends know her from the area they live but that’s about the extent of the connection so I honestly can’t think of a single reason why they would be calling each other. But more importantly, it wasn’t saved under her name. It was saved under a random meaningless word.

So that’s the story so far, I took a quick picture of his phone of the contact then put it back. I haven’t confronted him yet. I felt like confronting him at the time would just give him a chance to make up an excuse. What do I do now?

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 26/12/2022 18:54

Well was the word really meaningless or could it be because he or she is selling something and theyve made contact. That's not particularly unusual and might save the contact as 'bed' or whatever you were buying or selling.

Unless it was lots of calls but for one or two I wouldn't be concerned.

Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:00

Definitely wasn’t for selling/buying anything

OP posts:
Tannedandfake · 26/12/2022 19:07

How do you know it was a woman if it was saved under a random word? Did it have her photo?

Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:08

Yeah was WhatsApp so has a profile picture

OP posts:
00deed1988 · 26/12/2022 19:10

I would say your gut is usually right. I had this twice with exes.

1st was exactly like that. Then that night he put his phone in a kind of hard to reach place, I had never been through his phone before but I waited for him to fall asleep and then looked and yep, loads of messages back and forward.

The 2nd was on the laptop just sitting next to each other watching TV when a FB message popped up and he quickly closed it but out of the corner of my eye I saw it and that night again I went on and found the plans of the hotel he was planning with her the following week.

He may be clever and be deleting the serious stuff, if it were me, I would. I never understand why cheaters leave messages. Surely they understand there is a risk. But I guess they sometimes get cocky. Question is, if you confront him and don't get the answer you think and he makes excuses, will you believe him. Will you trust him again. I stayed with the 1st one as nothing physical had happened and all the apologies but I never got over it and the trust was gone and I turned into a psycho girlfriend. Someone I did not like. It ruined the relationship. I was paranoid and a bit controlling if I'm honest because I was terrified he would do it again...which he did.

Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:18

I was thinking if there’s anything to see he likely has deleted it, as there was no messages. I think he’d probably be bright enough to think of that. But what you’re saying is exactly how I feel, my gut is telling me somethings wrong. This is not the type of relationship I want, feeling like someone is being sneaky (regardless of anything physical) and me being worried.

OP posts:
hmmmintereting · 26/12/2022 19:25

That's awful. Sorry you're going through this. It does sound like he's deleted the messages and forgotten to delete the calls.

Will you confront him?

girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 19:28

I'd just ask him straight out why he's been calling her/how he knows her/why he has her saved under a random name. Not all 3 of those questions but any one

refuge123 · 26/12/2022 19:31

Ok so try undowloading/redownloading the app and starting it through a backup
The backup may contain the deleted messages
Next is to try a data request from whatsapp have it sent to your email

Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:31

I kind of feel like they’re no coming back from this (for me to feel sane and it be a healthy relationship anyway). I think I need to “get my ducks in order” and end it, telling him then.

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 26/12/2022 19:37

Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:18

I was thinking if there’s anything to see he likely has deleted it, as there was no messages. I think he’d probably be bright enough to think of that. But what you’re saying is exactly how I feel, my gut is telling me somethings wrong. This is not the type of relationship I want, feeling like someone is being sneaky (regardless of anything physical) and me being worried.

Yeah, just get rid of him. You can do a whole lot better than this man. I know it's so easy to say when it's your life that will be affected, but it's as you say – you don't want a relationship where you are worried that the other person is being sneaky about who they're in contact with.

I've been in exactly this situation, where it starts with the subtle tilt of the phone, and I found that things only ever escalated, to the point where I was (genuinely) being gaslighted but didn't recognise it until months after the relationship ended. I was always so worried that something was going on, but afraid to say anything because I was always made to feel as though I was imagining everything and then an argument would ensue and that would be my fault.

Just get rid of him. Save yourself the future hassles.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 26/12/2022 19:44

Your gut feeling won't be wrong and there would never be an innocent explanation of saving a phone number under a different name Sorry 😞

Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:50

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 26/12/2022 19:44

Your gut feeling won't be wrong and there would never be an innocent explanation of saving a phone number under a different name Sorry 😞

This is how I feel and wanted reassurance 👎🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxingdaybluess · 26/12/2022 19:51

I’ve had little inclination before, not necessarily cheating or anything but just with him not being 100%. When I’ve ever asked he’s basically did all of above (turns to an argument, he becomes the victim etc). That’s largely why I didn’t confront him.

OP posts:
pigonalipstick · 26/12/2022 20:18

What was the word?

hmmmintereting · 26/12/2022 20:55

pigonalipstick · 26/12/2022 20:18

What was the word?

I'm interested in this too. I thought cheats used 'Pizza Hut' or 'Dave Plumber'. Wouldn't a random word create the same level of curiosity?

Not really helpful to you though OP Flowers

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