This is more a rant/support feed & I have ALOT to unpack. So DH has a daughter from his ex wife (she cheated on him and had another child by the man she was unfaithful with), she has always caused us issues until recently. & since the split his family really didn't like her, my MIL was very vocal with this fact !. I've helped to raise my SD since she was 2 yo. We have been together 5 years now & married 2. I've helped get her out of nappies, off of dummies, got her over her personal fears & loved and supported her, corrected her & treated her like my own children from previous relationship of course after asking my husband how we wanted to treat our 4 children of our family unit. And my MIL has seen this, I've never tried taking over, only helped SD with her developmental steps & have supported my DH with her so shows that i have no bad feelings towards SD. MIL has always treated my children differently & excluded them unless it benefited MIL in regards to taking her and my SD out to places like the zoo. (MIL doesn't drive).
Fast forward to this year, MIL cheated on my husband's dad (my FIL). Left him. Completely disowned myself and my children. Showed no remorse to my DH in regards to her actions and she's 60+ acting like a 16 YO. So my DH is upset with her and her actions & attitude towards myself & my children & essentially cut her out unless she sorted her attitude out. But he never stopped her seeing his daughter (my SD).
Instead my MIL took it upon herself to be deceitful & start meeting up with his ex wife for coffees (guess they have something in common both committing adultery hey?) 😏. But I have to say my husband & FIL are both gentleman & allowed both their ex wife's to walk all over them both & be demasculated by the ex wives.
So fast forward to Christmas Day MIL took her mother (DH's maternal grandmother) round to his ex wife's house to spend Christmas with his ex wife, his daughter and his ex wife's son (result of the affair), bought all the food, gifted ex wife a microwave from MIL & FIL family home (they are selling up now due to MIL cheating on my FIL). Presents to my SD (of course) and the 'affair child' But no happy Christmas to my DH & us, gifts or anything despite MIL's actions being the cause of all this turmoil in the family. My DH is so upset although he said he isn't (of course he will be his family has been torn apart from manipulative toxic female members of his family). DH grandmother is sadly ill & won't be around much longer and his ex wife knows there's money in the family when she does sadly pass. But of course his ex wife will be nice as she clearly wants money, and DH mum will be nice as she wants to see her GD.
it's just all a big headache, sounds like a tv soap like Corrie facepalm. caused so much hurt & almost caused us to get divorced because of the deceitful natural or his mother. He's depressed because of his mother & on anti depressants. And seems every action she takes is to hurt us and cause us arguments although we have worked through every situation.
She can't see herself as doing anything wrong. But we have told her the harm & damage she's caused everyone in the family & she won't sit back and think about her behaviour. I'm hurt also because my children got to know her (my DS is autistic) & now she's disowned them 😞 and my children are good children. I'm just at a loss, fight or flight mode. This isn't how I wanted my relationship with an in law to be. I've been kind and MIL would say jump & we would help her with anything she needed. we get on so well with DH dad & DH grandparents on his dads side & I know for a fact they never liked DH's mother either. Anyone ever been through something like this? Or have advice? It's so sad to see my husband suck in the middle & he won't stand up to them as he's not confrontational at all. So I have to kind of be a voice for him which is something I don't want to do but I won't let anyone hurt my family if I can help it