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Original poster

Friendship issues

3 replies

Bertha21 · 26/12/2022 17:15

I have a long term friend. I feel like she is quite opinionated and hasn’t been supportive in recent times. In the last few years I have been through a divorce. At the time I felt she wasn’t being a friend and just wanted to know all the details. I didn’t trust her not to gossip so stepped back.
More recently one of my children has struggled with mental health and asd. Every time I see her she seems to decide she is a expert on these subjects and lectures me about asd. Decides children with asd are only given a diagnosis depending on which doctor they see etc. Then compares my situation to other people she knows. Also completely didn’t understand my child’s mental health and judged the situation completely. I am torn between stepping back completely or telling her how I feel. Anyone been through something similar with a long term friendship?

OP posts:
Xenia13 · 14/11/2023 08:21

When you realize your best friend was never your friend at all.
I had a best friend for the last 20 years.
She has been through a lot over the years and I always was there for her. She’s had break ups, abusive relationships, loss of parents and I dropped everything to be there for her during those times.
We would speak on the phone numerous times a day and I felt she was more like my sister than a friend.
Over the year though there was a pattern, every time a man came into her life she would disappear. Calls stopped, invites to go out stopped would be lucky to get the odd text. This has happened every time a new man was on the scene over the years.
recently a family member has been diagnosed with cancer and I was absolutely distraught. I tried to lean in my friend for support but she just wasn’t there, was lucky to get a text. This is the same girl who would call me up to 5 times a day when she was going through her stuff.
I feel like a switch has gone off in me and I just don’t reach out to her anymore. We have had a conversation and I’ve explained how I felt. I just can’t continue to have a one side friendship and always be the once picking up her pieces when she is not there for me.
We now haven’t spoke in well over a month for the first time in 20 years bar the odd text. I suppose I wanted her to reach out but now she hasn’t I understand the friendship is over.

has anyone been through anything similar, it is a really bitter pill to swallow as I thought we’d be friends forever

StopPissingMeOff · 14/11/2023 08:33

Xenia13 · 14/11/2023 08:21

When you realize your best friend was never your friend at all.
I had a best friend for the last 20 years.
She has been through a lot over the years and I always was there for her. She’s had break ups, abusive relationships, loss of parents and I dropped everything to be there for her during those times.
We would speak on the phone numerous times a day and I felt she was more like my sister than a friend.
Over the year though there was a pattern, every time a man came into her life she would disappear. Calls stopped, invites to go out stopped would be lucky to get the odd text. This has happened every time a new man was on the scene over the years.
recently a family member has been diagnosed with cancer and I was absolutely distraught. I tried to lean in my friend for support but she just wasn’t there, was lucky to get a text. This is the same girl who would call me up to 5 times a day when she was going through her stuff.
I feel like a switch has gone off in me and I just don’t reach out to her anymore. We have had a conversation and I’ve explained how I felt. I just can’t continue to have a one side friendship and always be the once picking up her pieces when she is not there for me.
We now haven’t spoke in well over a month for the first time in 20 years bar the odd text. I suppose I wanted her to reach out but now she hasn’t I understand the friendship is over.

has anyone been through anything similar, it is a really bitter pill to swallow as I thought we’d be friends forever

@Xenia13 It may be best to start your own new thread.

This thread is a year old .

Watchkeys · 14/11/2023 09:22

I am torn between stepping back completely or telling her how I feel

This isn't an either/or. Tell her how you feel. Decide, once you've heard her response to being told how you feel, whether to step back.

It's one sentence. 'I felt xyz when you did abc.'

How d'you think she'd respond?

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