I have 3 brothers, 2 of them a little bit older than me but not by much and then the third one is a little younger than me.
The two older brothers are established abroad for over a decade. The younger brother left this year to go away and live abroad and be with my other brothers.
This post is about my younger brother.
The years before he left to go abroad:
About 6 years ago, he came home from some nights out tripping out of his head. There were many nights like that but eventually he learned to control that behaviour.
Throughout 2017, he changed as a person. His whole entire personality changed. He used to be a good person. He became withdrawn from the family. Eventually, months went by and I realised maybe dr*gs were at play with him.
The tripping out of his head, losing his belongings, the hangovers lasting days and days on it, the moods, missing days in work, withdrawal from the family and often waiting til the family went to bed at night before getting up from his room.
These scenes went on from 2016 onwards. There were times when he drunk/drug derived home.
He didn't have a leg to stand on. He didn't even know his name. He was tripping out of his head. Belongings lost. Not recognising his car keys even though he drove his car home in that state.
I remember a time where a matter with the dog came up and it was time to make a decision for the dog and her failing health. The poor dog was ill. I went into the sitting room where he was at the time and I tried to take up a discussion about the dog and all he did was say something like 'I don't know' before running out from the room. Completely shutting me down and shutting me out once more.
My mother only ever enabled the man and pitied him.
Eventually his girlfriend left him and he lost his job.
I knew it was all drugs.
During all those 5 years, he was distant with me. Sometimes he talked but then other times he ran from me. I never remembered an argument between us.
We were friends on Facebook too and he was distant there too. He never once liked a picture from me.
He ruined many Christmases in a row.
My mother always placed so much focus on him as if Christmas is only for men.
This year was the first good Christmas without his drunken and sick ass stuck in the bed and without his moods.
There was a Christmas by right i should have pulled him up on his behaviours but I never did.
I always bottled up my feelings and kept them to myself.
He left this year back in March.
Communication from him has been sparse to be honest.
Sometimes he might phone our mother but that's it.
I sent him a good picture back in early August of this year and he did reply back thanking me. Then a few weeks later he was on the phone to our mother and she said something so I rang him back to get a clearer picture. He claimed he is locked out of facebook and can't get in. Due to moving countries and changing numbers he can't get into his Facebook account. Communication from him has been nothing from him to me.
Rarely he might phone our mother.
All of this has hit me hard once more this Christmas.
One of my other brothers rang home yesterday on christmas eve. All of my brothers were spending Christmas together.
I chatted to brother A and then passed the phone onto our mother for her to say hello. Then she chatted to all 3 of them and I got the phone back to chat to brother B.
Brother C (my younger brother described above), he made a disappearing act when it came to chatting to me.
He never chatted to me. I sent a Christmas parcel with something small for all of them. My other brothers acknowledged the gifts.
Brother C never did.
Not even a text from him. Not even a message to ask - 'how are you'. He knows I was diagnosed with a GI condition over the past year. He knows there is some issues at home where I am suspecting dementia with our mother.
There has been no communication from him. He has shut me out so many times in the years before he left. Just to keep doing it now.
I can't for the life of me see him shutting his friends off from home. He must be keeping in touch with them in some way.
I think he could make an effort to keep in touch with me if he wanted. I feel the ball is in his court now though. What do you guys think?
He could do a new facebook profile with his new foreign number as an example.
That's just one example.
How about WhatsApp? WhatsApp and messenger aren't connected, are they? He said he's locked out from Facebook and I presume maybe the messagner too because of facebook.
I got one message from him this year which was a vague happy birthday message and completely only done because maybe he felt he had to. There was no real meaning to it, I felt.