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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feelings after Separation

3 replies

Oldermum80 · 26/12/2022 12:17

So I left my abusive partner last month. I know it is pathetic, but at first I was really missing him (or what he used to be and what could have been, as he was really awful to me) I can’t go no contact as we have children together.

Whilst I feel that my feelings are changing and it’s probably worse given that it’s Christmas, I can’t stop thinking about how he doesn’t seem bothered.

We were together for six years. He was obstructive in the week before I left then cried on the sat, then became quite petty afterwards, but he just seems fine now. I know I should just move on and forget, but I just can’t seem to switch off. Maybe it’s my last way of hoping he could show remorse or prove he actually cared. He never showed emotion really, so I guess it’s normal for him.

Has anyone been through this? How did your ex react and how did you help yourself to move on?

OP posts:
Oldermum80 · 26/12/2022 19:05

Anyone?

OP posts:
Bedazzled22 · 26/12/2022 19:12

It is hard I know. You are grieving what you hoped the relationship would be - it hasnt turned out as you’d hoped and of course that makes you sad.

my exh had affair and we separated boxing day many years ago. I was 35 and had been with him since 18 and he didnt care a jot about me which was hard to take.

BUT it does get easier, it is hard now and Christmas makes it more difficult and emotional. It will get better just take each day as it comes and think how well you have done to make the break from him. He might try and make it up to you and if he does you will know its just manipulation.

You’ve done the hard bit now keep going forward and dont look back!

Oldermum80 · 27/12/2022 09:19

Bedazzled22 · 26/12/2022 19:12

It is hard I know. You are grieving what you hoped the relationship would be - it hasnt turned out as you’d hoped and of course that makes you sad.

my exh had affair and we separated boxing day many years ago. I was 35 and had been with him since 18 and he didnt care a jot about me which was hard to take.

BUT it does get easier, it is hard now and Christmas makes it more difficult and emotional. It will get better just take each day as it comes and think how well you have done to make the break from him. He might try and make it up to you and if he does you will know its just manipulation.

You’ve done the hard bit now keep going forward and dont look back!

My ex husband also left me for another woman at 34 after 16 years together and two children. It’s torture and affects you so badly. I need to remember that I got through that. Sadly thr happy ending I thought I’d got wasn’t real. I’m sorry you went through that too.

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