Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband trying to please mil, or am I misinterpreting

11 replies

Kardelen · 25/12/2022 12:53

So yesterday mil invited DH, myself and DC for dinner. Off for 4 days due to Christmas period.
when we were there she was saying tomorrow we will be going to her sisters ( DH aunt house), as she invited. I didn’t want to go but accepted as DH was saying to his siblings we will do whatever the mum says. But later she changed her mind and said Instead of going tomorrow, we will go to hers on Monday, where she will invite people over. She didn’t ask if I am free, just implied we should be there. So I thought Sunday will be ours at least to tidy and sort things out as I’m heavily pregnant and the baby will be coming soon.
however today she called saying she wants to go to this family of hers today as she hasn’t seen her in long time and she is bed bound.
husband came to me and said we are going to theirs later In the evening, and then we will all be going to see the lights as his mum wants to see them. I said I won’t be going so he said he will just take DC and go.

Now, I had covid last Monday, so feel quite drained although testing negative now. DH called the family member who is bed bound but they prefer us not going as there’s a chance of spreading, as DC is not well now.

The point is I have been saying I want to see the lights, but DH never made the effort/time or plan to go. I even said I’ll go alone if he keeps an eye on DC.
but now all of a sudden he doesn’t mind going and is up to go today.

Am I doing something wrong here? How do I make him value me more? Ofcouse I respect that it’s his mum, and that he wants to make her happy as we don’t live with her, but at the end of the day wouldn’t he need to discuss with me before making arrangements?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 25/12/2022 12:59

Sorry but it does sound like you resent him spending time with his family. Why couldn't you all go to see the lights? Why would DH mind your DC whilst you went to see the lights? Surely, the lights are for the DC's benefii?

It's his family, its Christmas. He probably wants to see them and spend time with them. Nothing wrong on that. Merry Christmas

Kardelen · 25/12/2022 13:04

so if you have 4 days off, you’d wanna spend 3 days with his side of the family? And when they don’t discuss with you, if they imply ..’ we are doing this today and you have to follow? ‘

maybe your right I don’t know… do I really sound resentful? I think if they discussed with me I’d feel a bit better rather than just saying we are doing this…

the reason I didn’t want to take DC if I went alone was that I’m heavily pregnant, he’s a toddler so he’s very active/throws tantrums and I can’t possibly see myself constantly lifting him. I probably wouldn’t have went alone anyway, but maybe it was just to nudge him to make him see that I do want to see the lights. Also, as the baby will be coming soon I know I’ll be at home most of the time recovering when it’s first born so can’t go out anywhere.
So that’s why I wanted to go but yeah

OP posts:
Kardelen · 25/12/2022 13:05

Oh also we don’t Celebrste Christmas so I don’t think it’s to do with that anyway. Merry Christmas!

OP posts:
Undecidedandtorn · 25/12/2022 13:08

Couldn't he go with your toddler and you stay home if you don't want to go?

Kardelen · 25/12/2022 13:12

That’s what I suggested, but not sure if it would be rude or they’d be wondering why I didn’t.
but the issue I’m finding is not that really. It’s just about informing me nicely, and asking me my opinion before doing so. But I don’t know if I’m wrong?
does you dh and mil decide the day for you without asking if your free or you want to go?

OP posts:
wishing3 · 25/12/2022 13:13

I can see why that would niggle, OP.

Kardelen · 25/12/2022 13:17

I end up feeling guilty as well, it’s a weird thing 🫣
but just wondering why DH didn’t put the same effort into it when I wanted to go out, or why they don’t ask for my opinion when making plans.

OP posts:
Kardelen · 25/12/2022 14:22

Now husbands upset with me, but not saying the reason etc or talking very much.

OP posts:
I8toys · 25/12/2022 18:31

I can see why that annoys you. All that flipping and changing of plans would drive me mad. He needs to priortise the time off with you as well as his family and he's spent more than enough time with MIL. Sometimes you want time just as your family unit and no-one else. I don't think that's unreasonable when you have limited time off together.

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 26/12/2022 07:53

No way would I be spending 3/4 days off with either side of the family.
One each at a push and two days to relax at home is more than fair.
If he's so bothered about seeing his mother so often he can take the toddler and leave you at home in peace.
I don't do ad hoc plan changes like that either, especially not if they are presented to me as my one and only option. Fine if his mother was asking if you* *wanted to do those things but her telling you as grown adults that you will be doing those things wouldn't sit right with me.

Kardelen · 27/12/2022 10:41

That’s exactly my point. Even if it was said nicely without being pushy, asking if I’d want to id be happy. But like you said saying with no option gets me annoyed.
others said I’m resentful of him trying to spend time with his family, so I was thinking whether the problem is really me in this case.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page