Am I the only one with a partner who is absolutely useless when I am poorly?
We are an older couple, no kids at home etc. Just each other to worry about. We don’t live together but spend a lot of time in each other’s home. I’ve just helped my DP move house. It’s been exhausting.
I am a collaborator, team worker, put shoulder to the wheel type of partner. I don’t shirk responsibility in our relationship. I’m solution orientated, contingency planner & organised.
My DP was very very ill post operatively earlier this year. It was touch and go whether he would pull through. I nursed him lovingly & tenderly for several weeks until he could stand on his own two feet.
Three nourishing meals a day, lots of encouragement & even through Covid during his convalescence I got out of bed & carried on looking after him albeit I was really unwell. He also had Covid so it was a real struggle to keep going.
When I am poorly, he is absolutely useless. I’ve had two viruses in the past nine years which have flattened me & I’ve had to take to my bed. I’m in bed now feeling absolutely dreadful with a head cold, throat, headache, all the usual. I’m sure you’ll get the picture as there is so much of it about.
Anyway, I was furious with him yesterday because as usual when I’m under the weather, bed ridden or not, he simply doesn’t have a clue about looking after me. I almost have to beg for food to be prepared and either brought to
me, be it in bed or to the couch. Yesterday he managed 2 mugs of tea & some tinned soup. In the end, after a massive argument he managed to pull together an evening meal. It was pretty rubbish but I was on my knees so was glad of some sustenance.
This man has worked away all his adult life and is now retired.
This man has had to domestically fend and feed himself in company provided flats, most of that time. This man adequately feeds himself when I am not staying at his place. He is reasonably domesticated and knows how a hob and oven works. Our fridge is currently full with all sorts of meal combinations and possibilities.
What worries me is this - if I became really ill post operatively, for example during chemo, any serious illness, I don’t think I can count on him to help me get well with any TLC and it’s making me resentful. Yesterday I kicked off and was accused of being a Diva, was shouted at and generally made extremely upset at his appalling attitude when I’m at a very low ebb.
He is very defensive when I try to talk like an adult with him after our disagreements and basically shuts me down. I’m not sure what to do. On every other way we get along and have lots in common but this selfish side of him worries me.
Im sure there re others out there who are in the same boat so what is the solution?