Desperate, please help

[Lostintransition22]

Throwaway account, long term user.

DH and I aren't getting on, haven't done in a long time, and yet only 6 months married. I feel he constantly gaslights me and punishes me, not a day that goes by where I'm not in tears. Today is no exception.

I've relocated to another country (both British) with him. It's a nightmare. I've sold everything I owned, even some precious belongings. I feel so trapped.

He told me he didn't love me two weeks ago in an argument. Says now he didn't mean it, and he said it to hurt me. It's not ok.

I'm hurting so much, probably because it's Christmas eve and I've nowhere to turn. I'm just devastated, and I don't know what to do. I've not long been for a walk and cried and cried alone with sunglasses on. I know it's not ok, but I've nowhere to go. Family not the most reliable and no friends to talk to.

I am just so sad. Please help me. I have no courage and the tears keep coming.

Sounds like he is abusive?

Are you working out there? Do you have savings? Could you come home for a 'holiday' and then not go back?

I don't even know what's going on anymore. He's never hurt me physically, but says nasty things and punches walls in frustration. His outlet, apparently. I know it's not ok. I am scared of him and scared for myself.

I have nowhere to go or anyone to call.

I am not working, can't get a job. I'm so scared. I had so much when I met him and I'm just a wreck now of nearly 40 years old.

I’m so sorry to hear what is happening for you at the moment, what a terrible situation to be in and it sounds like you really need to do whatever you can to get yourself out of it. If you have any money at all I would suggest pretending to go on holiday back to UK or back to UK to sort something or other out then don’t return. I know it’s easier said than done if you are trapped in an abusive situation. Is he in control of your finances etc? if you are really stuck and cannot leave, does the country you are in have a charity etc that helps women to leave domestic abuse situations (which I’m sorry to say but it sounds very much like this is the situation you are in). X

I don't know that's the problem. I feel like I'm saying that on repeat. I don't feel I can trust anyone or know that they'll help a foreign citizen. I have some small savings, but what am I going to to when I get back to the UK? I've nowhere to go?

Any savings to book a trip back to the UK? I know you've said family aren't reliable but if desperate anyone you can reach out to that might just come through? I don't have any experience of this situation but I understand your feelings of being trapped. Just make small plans... figure out what's achievable right now. If you need to go immediately do you have access to a bank account so you can book a hotel for a few days away to clear your head... or get a ticket back to the UK? x

I've no where to go or no one to call
on. If I come back it would be even worse as I'd be destitute. I really am desperate and I don't know what I'm expecting from posting.

What is your home town in the UK? We could provide you with details of a women’s support there and I’m sure they would be able to speak to you wherever you are and help you with plans on return to uk(including a refuge place to stay whilst getting back on your feet). If you have the small savings to at least leave and get on a flight this might be achievable for you?

I'd advise a refuge too.
Get back to the UK and get yourself into a woman's refuge. Tell them you fled an abusive partner.

Take anything of value with you or sell qnytging he won't notice being gone before leaving (ebay).

Dear Op, it's a poignant time of year if you don't feel at home in your relationship. You can always call Samaritans, 24/7 if you need a listening ear....sometimes it just helps to be heard.
I would echo getting back to the Uk and into a refuge. You can be safe there, regroup and rebuild. You are young enough to start again. I'm sorry your relationship didnt work out but you tried and deserve something better.

Can you contact the British Consulate? They may be able to help you get back to the UK.

Oh for an edit button!

www.gov.uk/guidance/consular-assistance-how-the-foreign-commonwealth-development-office-provides-support

op I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You do have options; as suggested, contact the British consulate, go to the British Embassy in the country you're in if possible, or get yourself back to Britain and go to your local council office the same day, explaining the situation (if you can't get straight into a women's aid refuge). The council would get social work to help you as a matter of urgency and you would be rehoused and taken care of. Yes you will have to start again, but you will be your own person again and not a shadow of your former self (I was in a similar situation). There is light on the other side, promise!

Pay for a flight home and come back to the UK.

Go to the council for help, go into temporary accommodation and from there, you can work the rest out.

First thing you do is put your precious things in a bag and jump on a flight home. The rest you work out later.

You are going to have to start again OP. The only question is would you rather do this where you are, or back in the UK? Are there assets of the marriage that you'd be entitled to if you divorced? If so, or if you aren't sure, speak to solicitor.

You say married for just six months. How long have you been together before getting married? How old is he? How was he before marriage. You need to figure out what changed, in case he was different before. Sometimes insecurity causes stress and things go haywire.

Insecure? He punches walls FFS. OP, get flight home.