Narc Mother

[Anceshywsj]

I've recently come the the realisation, with the help of my counselor that my Mother is most likely a narcissist.

I feel pretty bereft. I feel like I'm grieving a loving mother that I'll never have and it feels grim in honesty. I'm a bit of a teary mess whilst trying to maintain Christmas fun for DC.

Has anyone any tips or tricks or advice for how to proceed? Does it have to be NC? How do I deal with the relationship with her and DC who dote on her? How do I deal with the very persistent flying monkeys?

We live locally. Our family is very 'close' and any desire for space is met with constant and persistent attempts to 'talk'.

I'm tired, I'm sick of happy events being sabotaged, I'm fed up and desperately sad. So desperately sad.

I've come to the conclusion that NC is best, and that probably includes NC with the flying monkeys too. How to implement that? How to heal? I have a brilliant Counselor so will continue with that but how do you fundamentally change the internal voice? How do I stay strong? How do I maintain or deal with DCs relationship with them? Is NC best? Can you maintain a relationship after this much hurt?

Any advice would be much appreciated!

Having been to counselling and discovering the same about my Mum, I completely understand how overwhelming, upsetting and confusing this is for you. I'm certainly not an expert, and can only speak from my experience, but when I experienced this overwhelming feeling and so many questions, I needed time to process, talk through and think. For me, by letting myself have the time, I knew the situation wouldn't get any worse; it just provided me space. I realised that I will trial remaining in contact, but keep firm boundaries in place, and then review.

I'm so pleased to hear that you have a safe space - Just don't feel you need to rush into any decisions, and continue to talk through with your counsellor. I found the 'Daughters of narcissists' website very helpful if you haven't been signposted already.

I also found that if I reminded myself that things will get easier and I'm in control of these choices, it helped me loads.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you so much for replying, and I'm so sorry you've been through the same. I hope you're in a better place now.

I have been trying to educate myself as much as possible on narcissistic behaviour and has come across that website. It was very helpful, thank you.

Have you found the boundaries have worked?

I've been trying to implement boundaries for a while now to no avail. I have my DF and siblings to consider also as DF is certainly and enabler and my siblings come in as the flying monkeys too. My DSis is the golden child and I'm currently facing an awful lot of resistance to me cutting contact with her earlier this year. This has sparked the latest issue that's lead to this realisation.

I'm sorry we've both ended up with Mother's like this. It's a grim realisation. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that she'll never be what I want her to be. Did you ever come to terms with it?

Watch on youtube everything by Sam Vaknin.
It blew my mind.
He is a pathological narcisssist, and world reknown professor of pyschology.
He let's you into the mind of a narc. .because he is one.

@lemonstrawberry thank you, I'll have a look later.