None of my family like me.

[FleeceDuvet]

And it’s just become really clear in the last few weeks.

my mother didn’t wish me a happy birthday and tbh I didn’t notice until my sister ‘notified’ me. We all used to be really close until I got a shift job that meant I could no longer participate in the Sunday lunches and trips to stately homes (lol) that my other siblings do. I’m close to one sister but she wildly and vocally disproves of me most of the time. The others just don’t bother at all with me.

So for about the last four years we’ve been left out of all family gatherings etc or given a half hearted ‘you won’t be able to make it anyway’ invite. I’ve recently changed jobs but although I now have evenings back I still work every weekend. I’ve heard second hand that this makes me an uninvolved and absent parent. All but one of my children are adults btw.

So, leading on from this, one of my adult dc is home for just five days over the holiday and he’s spent most of it in bed. Coaxed him out today and he picked a fight with me (over the Scottish self ID thing, a conversation I usually swerve with great vigour). The other adult came out for my birthday lunch and excused herself before the bill came, haven’t seen her for two days. The 11 year old keeps vetoing everything I want to do with him, preferring to play on his own.

I should have been at work the last two days but have a chest infection; I thought they’d appreciate having me home but they couldn’t be less interested. I probably now won’t even get to do the brief gift swap we had planned with my wider family but no one has offered a solution or even commiserations; just an oh well.

DH at least wants to spend time with me, and the dogs. I just feel like an unwanted cunt right now and wish Christmas was over already. Christmas day is just us, meant to be the big kids as well but I don’t think we’ll see much of them. I’m so fucking miserable right now; and the chest infection isn’t helping.

Christ I feel for you so much right now 💐
Pretty much the same here gradually have family that just can't be bothered to even make an effort towards me & DH . Have 2 adult DDs one has now decided she doesn't want any contact with us . Will be me DH and our darling Dog Christmas day . We have done so much for people but get very little in return . Feel like a forgotten door mat! .

Sod the lot of them!

You concentrate on your dogs and DH. I would not engage with anyone unless they came to seek me out

See how long it takes.

We also have some chest flu thing 🤕

That's the problem these type of people won't make an effort to seek us out . It really hurts OP . I just feel so hated . Just do what you & DH / dog want to do try not to let it get to you 💐

It seems to be happening a lot lately , family members going NC , becoming distant . Falling out over really pathetic things too . Any ideas as to what the hell we are doing wrong OP ? I haven't got a clue .

Last time I had my mother here for a big family occasion she walked out after dinner and walked 6 miles home. Because me and one sibling were playing Cards against humanity and despite all younger niblings/siblings playing together elsewhere she said we were being neglectful.

Their lives revolve around ‘activities’ for the kids which mine have aged out of mainly and we don’t have time to do anyway. Yeah maybe we’d love to come and make Xmas wreaths but I work on a weekend and neither 19yo DD or 11yo DS would be interested. So they half heartedly invite me out and then bitch that I never spend time with them.

The reason for no Happy Birthday is apparently because she wasn’t invited to my (boozy and expensive, two things she hates) birthday dinner. I didn’t even organise it! My sister did. And then she was the one who told me mother had seen her arse which strikes me as slightly game playing.

It gets on yer tits doesn't it , the constant pointing out of things that apparently your doing wrong all the time. To me it feels like a fucking smear campaign. The only attention I ever get is if they want something! Just lately though I have suddenly got a target on my back .

I actually haven’t seen my family for over 5 years now! I never got on with my immediate family after getting kicked out at 16 for being sick and in all honesty I knew I needed to find a way to break that toxic contact/relationship.

my extended family never really cared regardless but when i got to early 20s it was all about faking the bond we have especially around Christmas as they (immediate family) would all get together and I would be left home alone with no food, gas or electric (bad financial issues) so I would suck it up, walk the hrs distance to my mums (even though she drove and refused to pick me up) and put that fake smile on while they spoke about insensitive stuff!

As soon as I cut ties fully, not even phone calls, left social media so hard to trace, that’s when my family wanted to try. My mother contacting asking if she could take me out for my birthday (I refused as she never tried before and I was over it) and what I wanted for Christmas (I had a go at her as she didn’t even care to ask me how my recent surgeries had gone knowing I had complications hence she needed to leave me alone as it was a little too late)! That was nearly 6 years ago now and I can honestly say it has been so much better with the lot of them gone! I haven’t looked back once and am searching for a new house so I can fully leave this area! The longer I leave it with no contact the more someone contacts me to “see how I am” or “lend a ear if ever I need it” (fish for information).

It use to really get to me that I was outcasted growing up and I often wondered what I could have done as a kid that would have resulted in this but having outsiders make comments about the way I had been treated and how they could never imagine having that relationship with their daughter, I realised I didn’t do anything. I no longer question it and actually welcome the fact it gave me the ability to step away even if it had now left me with a load of trauma to deal with alone.

sometimes OP the ones close to you don’t realise how much you mean to them until your no longer close and you turn your back! Or even giving them the same energy they are giving you. I feel it’s power play a lot of the time and if/when you buckle under the pressure they somehow feed off it. Put your foot down and give them what they are giving you back.. if that’s nothing then they get nothing from you too, distance yourself and you will see how much you really mean to them.

sometimes they done even realise they are doing it but once you explain your own actions being caused by whatever actions they are giving you, it becomes loud and clear.. You don’t owe them any more than they owe you and if it’s not equal and balanced, then it’s not worth it.

I can relate to this, I didnt realise it was so common but apparently it is.

I'm one of 5 siblings, I speak to one a few times a year, don't ever hear from the rest so I gave up bothering.

I have 2 young children (under 5) and none of my siblings have ever bothered, don't hear from my parents much either.

Mines similar to yours, I couldn't attend the weekly family lunch anymore on a Sunday (i had a mental breakdown and genuinely couldn't leave the house for absolute months) so everyone else stopped going because I "ruined it" and now basically no one sees eachother. It's all so bloody weird.

I just get on with it, enjoy my own little family and finger up to the rest! It's a shame, but sometimes it's just the way I suppose.

Christmas is nearly over, won't have to bother for another year. Merry fucking Christmas though, for what it's worth animals (especially dogs) are way better company than most humans anyway.