My husband expects too much from my mum

[flingaling77]

My husband and I have 2 children (7 and 4) and we live in Kent near to my mum while his parents live in Cornwall. My mum collects the kids one day a week from school and occasionally other bits. However she is the only help we get normally and isn't really hands on. My in laws are very helpful and let us have nights away when we go down. My husband resents the fact that my mum isn't very helpful with giving us a break compared to his parents and doesn't see why it should always be his parents that have them overnight. I feel he resents me for this too. I don't know how to resolve it and it is a constant argument that we have. Any advice as to how to resolve it?

Yes that is a good point. And what does he do for the OPs DM or does he regard it as one way as its what women are there for?

Well, in this scenario your husband, is a horrid, ungrateful prick.
So, how to resolve it.
You can't go back in time and pick someone who isn't a horrid ungrateful prick to have dc with.
It's difficult. I guess he genuinely doesn't realise that nice people would just be grateful to your mum for what she does do, rather than demand more.
All you can do is go over the top thanking your mum for what she does do. I'm assuming you already reciprocate in some fashion?
But as a previous poster mentioned, if your father is around, and he isn't being targeted, then your husband is also a sexist pig to add to his other attributes.

Can you work our the financial benefit your mother gives you on average - pick up til drop off one night a week for 39 weeks - how long does she have them? Is it to help (as in you'd have to cut hours or pay childcare)?
Then work out the equivalent for his parents from when you go out to when you get home a few nights a year.
I bet I know who's giving you more!

This sort of post really annoys me, I’m sure his mil does what she can, it’s not compulsory for grandparents to do such and such nor is it a bloody competition, he sounds a right idiot

And actually why on earth does he resent you for it! You are married to a man child

I feel he resents me for this too.

Beware the man who criticises your family whilst bigging up his own. How are things in the rest of your relationship with him?

My DP and I have never had our twins ,now 6 yo, babysat overnight. My mum is old and has to look after my even older dad so it feels too much to ask, and his mum's ...well, I wouldn't let her dog sit , put it that way. Your husband needs to appreciate that you get help at all, could be worse.

Your H shouldn’t have had kids - he certainly doesn’t deserve them with that attitude.

My son is 14 and he has had one night at a relatives while me and other half went to a music event. To be honest we wished he could have gone to the event with us but it was an over 18s venue.

Eh? Why’s your husband being a knob about someone giving up their free time in order to help your family?!
Knob.
Just to compare, my mum picks my 5 year old up from school (not DP’s child, his step child) twice a fortnight for me after my night shifts so I can get a bit more sleep. She volunteered, enjoys it, DS enjoys it and it really helps us out. DP, again, my sons step dad, gets my mum a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine as a thank you every fortnight, because he recognises and is grateful for her help with OUR family. It’s not hard not to be a knobhead.

Does your mum realise how ungratefully her regular support is received? Or is he only rude about it behind her back, to you?

He is a dick. His kids, his responsibility.

There's a massive difference in looking after 2 kids when you are single than when you're in a couple. His parents have each other as support, your mum doesn't.

Yes. You can resolve it by telling him he is an ENTITLED ARSE.

Just to echo everybody else. Your husband sounds like a total arsehole. We have no one to mind ours unless we pay them which is fair enough. He should be very grateful to your mum. He sounds like the type who expects life to continue on as normal like it was pre kids with weekends away etc and he is resentful that he can't do that. To be honest it sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue with your husband unable to accept normal family life.

My dad died 9 years ago.