Marriage

[bella590]

Hi don’t even know where to start 😞I have been together with my husband 9 years , and couple months ago I was putting his iPad on charge and found some private pictures (nudes ) sent to someone, but not just someone but a another mail on some random chat
so I confronted him and he said he was curious
I was really hurt but thought I had to try because of our kids , but now couple months later still angry about everything and can’t live like this and I know I can’t forgive something like this , so told him wanted to separate
he makes me feel guilty that is not a reason to end our marriage

In effect, he has already ended the marriage, because he is engaged in adultery.
The problem is that you don't know (and may never know) how far this adultery has gone because he is a liar and has no problem with duplicity. No point in confronting a moral weakling.
Some things to consider.
1)Alot of cheaters and liars when caught, get violent when they are confronted with the reality of their actions, by being removed from fatherhood and from being a husband. Therefore, can you get away from him, without him knowing your plans?
2) Can you afford to get away from him? If not, can you get a seperate bedroom. If he's sleeping around, he could catch an STD and pass it on to you. Plus, sex with a man you despise is horrible. So, protect your sexual health.
3) Can you afford to pay for a Private Investigator to get photos of him and however many women he's got dangling along? If so, that helps in the divorce, unless you choose to go for a no fault "quickie" divorce.

Stay safe.

Wtf? Curious?? About what exactly? Cheating on his wife?

You have nothing to feel guilty about OP. If the trust is gone and you can't carry on, then leave him.

Theres nothing to feel guilty about it’s a form of cheating and has broken the trust. You didn’t end the marriage, he did when he engaged sexually with another man!

HE broke up the family. Don't accept his narrative.

he makes me feel guilty that is not a reason to end our marriage

I'm sorry, but what? HE is making YOU feel guilty?
And engaging sexually with other men, is not a reason to end the marriage?

Ummm, What exactly would he consider a reason to end the marriage then? You engaging sexually with other men, I imagine?

And tell him, for the record. YOU are not the one ending the marriage. He did that all by himself when he did what he did.

His choices and actions ended the marriage. Not you OP. You did absolutely nothing.

If I haven't found the picture he wouldn't of ever told me , he's saying he's got no interest in man
But why would you do it first place , I can see he's upset and might regret it but I can't be with he any more , feel sorry for our kids they only young
Even his parents are taking he's side , we need to work it out because of kids
🤯🤯🤯

If OP's in the UK, there's no real benefit to proving adultery in a divorce, so private investigation seems way OTT. It's usually recommended to go with no fault, if he'll agree to a joint application, or unreasonable behaviour if he won't - cleaner and less fraught. She still gets to say he was looking online for sex if she wants, using unreasonable behaviour.

OP, the www.gov.uk/divorce site walks you through the basics.

Thank you everyone, I just feel like I had to come on here and hear other people's opinions
That's not just in my head that what he's done is wrong and unforgivable

You're allowed to decide your own boundaries and dealbreakers, and how to live your life, OP.

It's nobody else's decision. Don't be guilted into sticking it out if you're done with him.

I knew I couldn't forgive him when if happen couple months ago , but was to scared to end our marriage
But trust is gone , am always checking he's phone to see if he's up to something
And if honest even love has changed I care about coz he's father of my children but am not in love with him anymore

I can’t even imagine the turmoil you must be going through, I would imagine his parents don’t know the full picture but even so it’s pathetic to take his side considering you’ve done nothing wrong.

Finding those images are just something I could never personally get past, it would make me paranoid and that’s not a life an innocent person deserves to live. If he’s curious at exploring his sexuality then he should do it alone and not hurt his family in the process. People can be so nasty and hurtful, sorry you are going through this!

He's parents know but still want us to work it out , but am tired trying just for kids , how about me don't I suppose to be happy 😞what if in couple years he comes out as gay
I tried for my kids but it makes you feel like shit as a women 😞

Sorry- I misunderstood, when you wrote "Mail" I get what you mean now.

Do you think it is possible that he has always been gay, and simply pretended to be straight for his own status reasons? Hiding the real him?

If you get away from him, then you have the chance to meet a decent person. If you don't, then you are stuck with a liar. Him gaslighting you into thinking it is your fault, is ridiculous.

Whether he's cruising for men or women, or using hookers etc, do protect yourself from STD's, by avoiding him.

There was no signs in all this time that would point out for him to be gay
Am trying to be strong and not to let him guilt trip me on staying coz he's so upset at the moment

There never is any sign that a man is gay, or anything else. Don't think "Oh, I should have known," because there is no way that you could have known.

Thank you , I think it's just time to concentrate on my self and my kids 😊
Told him he's got nothing to worry about he will always be in our life's and can see kids when ever he wants , that will never change