Long term damage of emotional abuse.

[Britannica2022]

Does long term emotional abuse through childhood make you strange as an adult? How can I stop being so strange?

I am very hyper vigilant as an adult and constantly analyse people (even though I try not to).

Im also very self aware due to a criticising mother all through childhood so I know which features on my face are awful, what parts of my personality are dislikable or that my speech may not be clear because I need a speech therapist (in her words).

How do you get the vile voice out of your head and just act normal when meeting someone?

I’ve done very well for myself in terms of career, husband and children but if I meet anyone new I get the vibes that they think something is just a bit ‘off’ about me.

The short answer is: yes, absolutely. Childhood is the period when you learn/absorb more information than at any other time in your life so emotional abuse during this time is always going to have a profound effect.

Have a look at these two videos about childhood abuse;

The good news is that it can be undone. Therapy (I would say remedial hypnosis but that's because it's what I do!) will help you unravel the past, which was in no way your fault or doing.

Absolutely it can - I’ve always felt the same about myself.
I did a small bit of this and the therapist I spoke to talked to me about how it can be damaging when a parent fails to be a proper parent and as a child, you’re having to fill that void yourself and almost do a role reversal.

With me I’m very aware of how people speak to me, constantly over analysing their body language, the tone they use and even things like how they sound in a message because I had a lot of my mother exploding for seemingly nothing/menial things (aside from everything else that happened) and I suppose that does take a toll.

I would definitely recommend speaking to someone, even just to unpick what happened.

Have you had any therapy? That is the place to start - research carefully and find a good therapist.

You can never change the past but you can improve the future.