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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separation

3 replies

Mum031015 · 23/12/2022 09:17

Hi I’m after a bit of advice, I’m separating from my husband it’s all been a bit of a pickle for the last month, we have had a lot of issues for the last 6 months and after all the mind games and nasty verbal abuse I have had enough, so I asked him to leave about 3 weeks ago which he did for a week and then he asked to stay until Christmas as he had nowhere to stay and wanted to be here on the build up for Christmas for the kids so I agreed however things then got worse more mind games being controlling cancelled the car insurance so I couldn’t stick to the plans I had made with friends and the kids the list goes on.
So I asked him to go again last week the messages he has sent me have been evil constantly putting me down ect even messaged my mum and said he was concerned about my mental health (I’m getting counselling due to the mind games and him dragging me down, telling me repeatedly he was suicidal and making me worry for months to then tell me he lied about it to get my attention, months of worry and begging him to get professional help)

anyway the children don’t know what’s happening and think he is working away as we didn’t want them to know this close to Christmas, he has repeatedly threatened to tell them if I don’t let him back, I had said to him he could stay Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with them/us and then he has to go again Christmas night however last night he was going out and I knew I would get some hassle but this is a new level, so he text me at 10:30pm asking when I’m back from seeing family on Christmas Eve i told him a time and he said im that won’t work I need to leave him a key , and then within about 5 minutes he was banging on my door absolutely drunk as a skunk demanding to come in as he got locked out of his mates down the road, he was there popped outside for a cigarette and shut the door behind him, I told him he wasn’t coming in here drunk to kick off and he refused to leave this went on for hours, I told him to go and bang on his mates door and wake him and not me and the kids, the dogs were going crazy, he demanded my car keys so he could sleep in the car which I refused to give him as he was drunk and I didn’t trust he wouldn’t drive it. He then hopped the garden fence and refused to leave the garden telling me he is staying there end of , I went out to speak to him and he refused, this all went on until 2:30am when I just went to bed thinking he would go back to his friends of something but he stayed there all night (and then stole my seat cushions from the garden furniture)
he is now demanding coming to see the children today but I’m worried it’s all going to kick off again or he will refuse to leave.

OP posts:
CrispsnDips · 23/12/2022 12:23

Bless you…I think I would allow him access to the children today..but, if you feel threatened at any point, you must warn him that you will have to ring the Police…

Mum031015 · 23/12/2022 15:30

Thank you for your reply, the last thing I want to do is get in the way of him seeing the children, and I wouldn’t stop it.
I’m just worried about all the drama that goes with it especially after last night I wasn’t sure if today would have been a good idea Or leave it a day.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/12/2022 15:59

I would not let him in. His emotional abuse of you is now being carried out via the children, which is abusive also to them.

His behaviour is completely unacceptable and unsafe around the children. I know it's very difficult but I'd tell them he's gone to stay at a friend's for a while and they'll see him after Christmas, then sit tight and call police if he appears on the doorstep. DO NOT ALLOW HIM IN THE HOUSE.

You need to keep yourself and your children safe now. That's your primary concern. Not playing happy families for Xmas.

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