Desperate situation - Sister DV ex husband

[TupperwareThief]

Hello all. I’m hoping people here can help me as I’ve received good advice here before.

My sister, we’ll call her K, was married to an abusive and violent man (i’ll call him A) for 10 years. They have 3 children together, between the ages of 3-10.

She eventually managed to leave with the help of the police and women’s domestic violence charities. I felt optimistic for the first time in years. He was summoned to court on various domestic violence (DV) and child cruelty charges. I do not know to what extent he was cruel to the children; I only ever witnessed verbal abuse, but I do not know if it was a case of leaving them unsupervised whilst he went to the pub and my sister was at work (something i have heard he did regularly) or if it is worse than that. At the time of writing, he has not been convicted yet, in part because I think some of the more serious charges were dropped by the prosecution (which is honestly an effing joke considering the evidence) and partly because he failed to turn up to court for the other charges (and has a warrant out for his arrest as a result).

K’s divorce from A finally came through and I was so happy she would finally be away from him. She has full custody of the children: he did initially fight this but thankfully gave up pretty quickly.

But just a couple of weeks after the divorce coming through, she was diagnosed with cancer. It has been a huge and devastating blow to us all.

She starts chemotherapy soon, surgery too and whilst I’m hopeful she will respond to treatment (she’s in her 30s and is otherwise in a relatively strong position health wise) I have a horrible lingering fear of the worst case scenario in my mind, and this is it:

If the worst happens, legally, would her children end up with A? And is there anything we can do to circumvent this?

I would absolutely be the children’s guardian. Our mother and father (the children’s grandparents) have also both said they would be willing. If there was some way this could legally be agreed I would be happy to make the arrangements immediately, if she agrees (which I think she would). But i have no idea if this is possible or even if it was, whether such an agreement could trump A’s rights as the children’s father.

I’m genuinely terrified if it’s the latter. He is an incredibly dangerous man and my sister lived in fear for her life. But at the end of the day, he is the father and I am only the aunt.

Does anyone know either way? Is there any advice you can give for someone in our family’s situation?

When you say that your sister has full custody is that just a residence order with or without visitation or were his parental rights removed? If they were then he would not get custody unless he could convince the court and cafcas etc that not only was he no longer a threat to the children but that he would be better than whomever had custody at that time, instead (with socal work approval) they would be placed with the person designated in her will (very important that she has a properly drafted will and guardianship papers sorted ASAP)
If he still has parental rights it's more tricky and your sister needs a dam good lawyer who specialises in this kind of family law.
If your sisters ex is awaiting trial/on bail for child cruelty then socal services would remove the children from his care and hopefully place them with family, the same would happen if he is convicted however that would be as part of a child protection plan so temporary and could result in the termination of his parental rights and a permanent placement but there is no guarantee and could take a very long time to work out.
If he is in jail whether on remand (due to his failure to appear) or as part of a sentence he could try and use it to get early release/parole through I hope someone would see through it but be prepared for it.
Basically if your sister can get his parental rights removed (BTW much easier if he gets convicted for child cruelty) then it's simple and just needs a socal work rubber stamp. If not it will be tricky, possibly very expensive and complicated but potentially doable especially if he gets convicted of child cruelty.
Hope that helps settle your mind even if it's a bit generic and complicated

Thank you for your reply - I know he can visit the children but he has to be supervised at all times whilst doing so, so I’m not sure where that leaves us.

I think it might be time to speak to a lawyer officially by the sound of the information contained in your helpful reply - thank you.