Trapped!

[Melody1455]

I’m not really sure if anyone can help me but I’m at my wits end and I can’t see anyway out. Me and my ex have been apart for 8 months but still living together while trying to sell the house we own together . I’m desperate to get rid and move on but he’s constantly been trying to get back together. We were together 7 years and engaged for 4.

The relationship broke down because he always changed his mind about me , was controlling, critical and always had a wandering eye. The last time he broke up with me I’d had enough and swore I wouldn’t go back. My self confidence was rock bottom and I’d lost who I was as a person trying to please him all the time. Over the last 8 months he’s switched from being nice , nasty , nice and now nasty again.

Tonight he’s threatened to take the house of the market and that he’s happy to just sit around for a year and basically hinting he’s going to screw me over. He’s saying this because I’m not falling back into the family routine and now he’s trying to take control again. I literally feel suffocated, stuck and no idea where to turn. My mental health is ruined , I’m on medication to help with my anxiety and I have no where else to go. I can’t afford to rent and still pay my mortgage and I can’t buy somewhere else if he takes the house of the market.

He constantly threatens they’ll be trouble if he finds out I’ve been seeing or dating anyone else. I feel like a prisoner, stuck in my life. I’m 32 and dreaming of marriage and kids but I don’t see how that’s going to happen if I can’t escape.
I feel so low I just don’t see the point anymore .

I think you should talk to Women's Aid tomorrow, because this sounds like coercive control to me and also financial control. They will be able to direct you to a knowledgeable solicitor.
In the meantime, write down everything you can remember, back up copies of his emails and texts. Get copies of all the important paperwork.
Going forwards keep an incident diary, and try to get every decision he makes in writing.

I came here to say the same.

He’s beaten you down over the years, to the point where you can’t see a way out. But you can get away , OP.

Others will be along with more specific advice soon.

You can and will break free.

Definitely speak to Womens Aid!

Did you speak to a solicitor at all before you put the house on the market?

Thank you everyone so far.

@QueueEtwo yes I spoke to a solicitor and got some advice but my ex keeps making out like my solicitor is wrong and now I’ve ‘opened a door I shouldn’t have ‘ and that now I need to wait to see what’s coming to me.
he won’t say what he means by that but with my anxiety I can’t help but worry

OP it's easy for me to say ignore him when I realise that you're living in the middle of his constant attempts to headfuck you but please keep in mind what your solicitor said and hold on to that. I would also recommend you follow TheInibriati's advice for support and guidance in coping with your last few months of having to share space with this POS.

This isn't your anxiety kicking off. You are living with a man who is abusive and making threats, and you need support. I'm going to repeat my point; you must speak to Women's Aid asap.

Please keep speaking to Woman's Aid, consider moving or via a refuge. You often can get help with rent whilst still having an interest in a shared home because it's an abusive relationship.

Do you have children? You said family routine??
I don't think you should be even thinking about dating for a good year or two but him threatening is abusive.
You could force a sale through court.
Why does your ex know about what your solicitor said to you? It doesn't matter if your ex is dissing the legal advice, unless he is a specialist in that legal field I would not pay him attention in fact I just wouldn't talk to him about it.
I think you need to try and live elsewhere, family or friends and grey rock the ex.

Could you go and stay somewhere else? With friends or family, or even rent a room? You need to be away from him and out of his control.

Put it in the hands of a solicitor. Don’t let him control you.

Ignore him, I went through almost exactly the same behavior. He won't follow through with his threats, he enjoys frightening you and inside he's the terrified one, because he's losing his control over you. Def speak to women's aid they are helpful, gather all your friends around you and lean on them for emotional support. If you don't have many friends because he's distanced you from them, actively try reconnecting with old friends, or try hard to form new connections via a meet up social group in your area or a local friendship Facebook group that meets up face 2 face. go to citizens advice bureau for free advice and speak to a solicitor about legal aid and if you can get it.

Sort out all your personal effects, passport I.D, bank accounts, direct debits, do an entitled to benefit check, to see if you can live independently on your income. Try and watch some comedy and meet for coffee with a few people, even co workers you don't normally hang out with. Your life will get better one decision at a time.

Do not discuss with him your and or any solicitor or personal info. He's mining you for information.like the other Poster saigoogle grey rock technique. It means to ignore him asuch as you can and become theost dull person to be around.

I think it's important to clarify if you have children? You don't need to be living together if he's abusive. Can your parents help?

I've been through this and it is horrific. You need and deserve all the support possible from family, friends, Women's Aid and maybe the police with those threats. You can do this, and the freedom will make it all worth it.

How are you getting on OP? I've just read your post and here have been no updates. I hope you are ok? 🌹