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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it possible to still love someone after 8 years

4 replies

PumpkinTruffle · 22/12/2022 21:27

Long story short - me and my ex split 8 years ago. He ended it with me Xmas day as things got complicated and he thought I was cheating (I wasn't) and it turned very bitter. We've spoken on and off for years when we see each other but it's been nothing but casual chat. A few years ago I bumped into him with my family and my boyfriend and he asked me my parents how I was, if I met someone etc but wouldn't directly speak with me.
Fast forward another year I saw him again but we didn't speak. He then added me on social media randomly. I declined the invitations.
Then two years ago we saw each other again and we hugged and kissed cheeks and he walked away immediately didn't say anything. Was quite weird. Then I saw him last year and he was chatting to me about general life and the I knew spark was still there for us both. I still think of him even now, after 8 years apart. See each other perhaps once a year at a social event we both go too. All his friends have also mentioned to me he's still no over what happened.

I'm in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years but I just can't stop thinking 'what if'.

I don't need anyone to tell me it's just me not thinking rationally, the feelings been there for a good few years. How do I get rid of these feelings please?

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 22/12/2022 22:25

The feelings for your current bf aren't strong enough to stop you thinking of your ex, you might be happy but something is lacking.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2022 23:28

Give yourself a slap and remember that he accused you of cheating when you hadn't and 'then it got very bitter'.

It would have been eight years of Hell from him.

Puppers · 22/12/2022 23:35

A few years ago I bumped into him with my family and my boyfriend and he asked me my parents how I was, if I met someone etc but wouldn't directly speak with me.

Trying to picture this. So he ignored you but said to your parents - whilst you were standing there with your boyfriend - "how is Pumpkin? Does she have a boyfriend at the moment?"

His behaviour sounds very strange indeed on almost all the occasions you describe. It doesn't sound very much like he's a great prospect or particularly interested.

Regardless of what happens with your ex, you obviously are not happy and fulfilled in your current relationship otherwise you wouldn't be pining for someone from your past. It would be fair to your boyfriend to let him go and find someone who's fully committed to him and isn't daydreaming about a boyfriend from nearly a decade ago.

JeezLouiseErrrr · 22/12/2022 23:54

I don't think this is love, I think it's sexual chemistry. Some people their pheromones or something it just does something to us. It doesn't sound like it could be a healthy balanced relationship but the sex would probably be very good.
I would also wonder if you're happy with your boyfriend.
To answer your initial question, yes of course you can be in love a decade + later however this sounds like a toxic, possessive, lust scenario.

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