Ex won't leave me alone

[TheIceQueen911]

Hi everyone, I'm here looking for advice.

I split up with my partner in June. It was a 20 month relationship that turned pretty toxic in the last few months. Luckily the first and only time he raised a hand to me (gave me a blackeye) I walked and have been NC ever since.

Since then he just won't leave me alone...
• He constantly messages & calls me- I block the number immediately but he then gets a new one and continues (in the 6 months we've been finished I've blocked 8 numbers)
• He will randomly (but not often) turn up at my door and knock or sit outside for ages.
• He turns up randomly to places when im out. (shops, the pub, walking down a street) he somehow seems to know my exact location at time, as at first he will act like its just a coincidence but then in another sentence will imply that he already knew I was there.
• He is contacting and threatened friends to stay away from me (especially male).

I feel like I'm trapped, I've called the police but all theyve done is tell me to log it and they've gave him a warning which he's ignored. Now they just don't even turn up at my house to check I'm okay but instead log it on the system.

What else can I do? I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and friends are beginning to distance themselves because of his messages to them.

Get yourself a new phone and number. Sell the old one. Seems like he can track you.
Grey rock for all the rest - dont respond at all even negatively - its what he is looking for

New phone . Wipe and sell the other.

report him for stalking-it is against the law now

I'd also change my laptop and any other devices he could have accessed. And then on the new devices, change your passwords for all your accounts. Check your car for tracking devices.

And (just incase) Google how to find hidden cameras in your home. Consider anything he may have gifted you like a stuffed bear. Also, plug adaptors, clocks ect...

Finally, don't share info with mutual friends that you wouldn't want getting back to him.

I'd also go into the police station with a 'this needs dealt with now' attitude. Don't let them fob you off. The harassment has neen logged several times and they need to act.

Consider cameras for your door and alerting your neighbours. Or even, moving away.

i was in a similar positiong - police told me to log it on the 111 website which i did. i was given so much different advice re: changing phone number. but basically i didn't change it as i've had the same one for 20 years and also the police said that if he/they/etc can't get hold of you then you might well be inadvertently putting yourself in a more dangerous position.

police were great and they served the NMO on him.

Ive been having similar and it is exhausting. This has been going on for years. The endless new numbers he got, making new social medias to contact me and sending pennies via paypal and banking with messages attached. I ended uo changing my number which was a real nightmare as i had that number since i was 14! Missed important phone calls etc. much better i thought since changing my number but found out he had been walking down my path peeping through my blinds. I honestly feel your pain

I believe there is a national stalking helpline too. Might be worth speaking with them.
And perhaps women's aid.

I'm sorry you're going through this.
www.dashriskchecklist.co.uk/stalking/

NMO? Restraining order?
I have no experience but this sounds awful, the above is the only thing I can think of.
That and calling the police the SECOND he arrives at your doorstep, tell them stalking an tell them he's threatened your friends and you're fearful of your safety.
God knows what nut cases like him are capable of.

Change your phone and number.
File a restraining order against him.
If he shows up at your house call the police on him.
Film him every time.
Have your house and any devices swept for cameras and key loggers.

Does your or his family or work know he's doing this?

0808 802 0300 national stalking helpline - any use?

Can't believe the police have done so little. Can you see a solicitor for advice?

0800 069 8468 - this is a private investigation firm (national) called Insight, who have expertise in dealing with stalkers. Am sure there are others.

Also, check your phone for spyware

Check your car for a tracking device. Usually about the size of a matchbox and often connected to the battery, so find any batteries (may be front and back) and check the wires coming off them.

He is stalking you. The police have been warned at a national level tondeal with this crime more effectively.

Call The suzy lamplugh trust or the stalkinf helpline

Google and read about the recent experience of the victims commissioner with her own stalker

Tell the police you are being stalked and if they dont deal with it properly you complain to the local police and crime commissioner

Escalate op and dont wait til he harms you

Have a look at the paladin trusts website also.

• Get a new phone/number
• Report him to the police again for stalking/harassment and get a restraining order.

If he knows your exact location he must be tracking you through your phone/computer or there is a tracking device on your car. Have that checked. Change all your passwords.

You really need to seek support from the police before he escalates even further. Threaten to lodge a complaint if they don't start to take your report seriously.

I would even consider moving.

Can I just check you have actually messaged him and told him to stop contacting you? I know the police wouldn't do anything until I had proof I had said to stop. Please log everything on 101 online, keep an online diary. You can apply for a non molestation order yourself you don't need the police to do it for you. It's used a lot for dv victims bit works the same for stalking. I am sorry its happening to you. I also recommend an app called hollieguard

The last time I spoke to the police they made it clear that there was little evidence to prove he was doing anything wrong or that he was potential risk of harm to me because "he hadn't actually done anything to try to assault me". At this point I had evidence with thousands of unanswered messages and missed calls, discreet photos and videos took by friends, family members and myself and friends who were prepared to give a statement and produce evidence. They weren't interested and simply said they would yet again to ignore & log it, then call at the point when I actually felt like he was a danger or attempting to causing me physical harm.

Following that I contacted a solicitor who advised me to gather as much evidence as possible and has booked me in for an appointment in the new year when I move into my new job role so that I'm able to finance it that way she says my applications/complaints "to be took more seriously"

She gave me the details for an agency who has provided me with a panic alarm but little else as its the run up to the christmas break and I am looking into getting some CCTV cameras to document him approaching my house, but especially with the Christmas period money is tight and there's little local agency support I could get with everywhere being closed until the new year.

I'm just really worried that things may escalate more over the Christmas and New year when I'm pretty isolated in being able to access any immediate support or advice.

@Coffeesnob11 I contacted him in the early days of this all starting to ask him to leave me alone and to please stop contacting me. I even reached out to his sister (she dismissed it) and his friend (this made him worse) to see if they could have a word.

But when I reported it to the police they said "because responded/engaged back by asking him to stop, that wasn't really harassment anymore". I didn't understand how asking him to stop was me engaging but I never responded to a message or call again from him. Now I just block the numbers but keep the logs for physical evidence. Yet they still don't seem interested apart from that one time they gave him a warning.

I just feel abit lost and trapped in this nightmare tbh, with no one to help.

Please check your home, clothing and car for Apple AirTags. Change phone number. Install a ring door bell/camera if possible for evidence purposes (when installing or taking any video footage please ensure it is only capturing your legally owned land, police get funny about using video evidence from a private source if it includes public areas)

he hadn't actually done anything to try to assault me
apart from giving you a black eye. Police should have recorded that assault.
The police sound pretty slack, OP. I would ask your solicitor about putting in a complaint about their handling of your case. He had already assaulted you once and is now stalking you and making threats.
Best of luck with this.

Ive had this for 4 years. Trackers on car, him accessing my internet, following my car, blocked on about 6 phones and new e mails.
Police dont do anything.
I've had 3 non mol orders, he breached it, with witnesses. Nothing was done.
He knows mine and the childrens locations and will appear at random places we have decided to go to last minute. Its exhausting. Ive reported hundreds of incidents. He finally got a warning last month but he wont give a shit about that.

You need to log all instances and report him for stalking, make family aware and change phone/number/email he may be tracking you

Get cctv now
change your phone and number, giving the number to friends and family only. Ignore his calls etc on the old phone and don’t remove it from the house, sounds like a tracker may have been installed
log via 101 each case of him calling you, knocking on the door, watching you as harassment so they also have a full list
try and obtain a restraining order when you speak to the solicitor

@TheIceQueen911 Hi love I hope you don't mind me posting on your thread. I'm going through the same thing you posted about at the end of last year and I wondered how things have progressed since then.

How are you?

Thanks xx