Snappy shade for overly critical relative

[emptythelitterbox]

Just that.
I usually ignore as I feel hurt and shocked by the things they say so never can think of anything quick enough. I figure time to stand up to them.

Need some snappy comebacks for a certain relative who low key criticises me for just about anything. Parenting, clothes, my work, my occupation.

You don't need a snappy come back. As much as good boundaries and actual communication.

I know they are satisfying but they don't work.

"When you comment on my clothes I feel hurt/angry/frustrated/whatever. Please don't make negative comments" and if they do, calm and steady, leave, with as little fuss and comment as possible. And do it consistently.

Look them in the eye and say, ‘Ouch.’

Or, ask them to repeat what they just said. And then again. You can then respond with, ‘Right.’ They will deflate before your eyes.

"Sorry, say that again?" ..... "oh thought so <eye roll>" but don't say what you thought just wander off

Just <eye roll>

"Oh, thank you!" - take it as a compliment when it's clearly not

"That's nice" said in a vague way, like they are a toddler saying random shit you aren't really listening to

Just be busy around them, so when they start talking to you, you need to just clear that or sort this out, cut them off mid sentence by "seeing" a problem that you need to attend to. Just don't give them the opportunity for the words to land.

The "thank you", made me laugh!

I can picture myself saying, "Oh thank you. I always do my best!"

‘What on earth happened to you to make you such a negative, critical, person?’
’Ooh, saucer of milk, table for one.’
’The absolute state of you, thinking it’s acceptable to talk to people like that. I can’t believe you were raised to think that is an appropriate way to talk to people.’
’Could be worse - I could look/be/smell like you.’

Just ask them what they mean by their comment. And keep drilling down and quizzing them. They will not like having to explain themselves in detail each time it happens and hopefully they will stop.

I recently found saying nothing, a look of withering contempt, turning away and utterly ignoring them, worked rather well on an ignorant, boorish oaf. It made me feel better anyway, and didn't give him the pleasure of having got a rise.

I was going to say this.

Then when other people walk in say "[name] was just criticising my scarf/ face / accent whatever" and keep the conversation going as long as possible making them do all the talking.

Be aware it can backfire if they are mean enough because they might just keep going so you need to be prepared to see it through until they are squirming.

Another approach is to beat them as their own game, but slightly escalate it. If she says "ooh that jumper makes you look a little frumpy" you say "oh i thought you liked that style because that blue jumper of yours makes you look fat." She'll be startled because she didn't think she was being mean, but won't be able to say much back.

What kind of insults does she give? Examples may help.

Try the "Did you MEAN to be so rude?" trick.
Worked for me on a misogynistic boor.

Try not to filter yourself so much, you probably do think of responses but then think better of it cos it'll be rude, hey if they're rude first let them have it.

Someone I know just replies with 'Rude' and a withering look when someone has said something she doesn't like, it's pretty funny to watch.

How about "Bye then" as you leave?
Why would you stay around someone who is intent on mentally harming you?
"Snappy shade" means they are pulling your strings , just leave.

I'm toddle training my mother on this issue. I say "that's really not a nice thing to say, is it?".

If she does it about other people, which she frequently does, I tell her I don't need to hear her unpleasant thoughts.

Now she says "I know you're going to tell me off for saying this, but....."

But, she's gradually getting better.

Need some snappy comebacks for a certain relative who low key criticises me for just about anything. Parenting, clothes, my work, my occupation.

That’s really horrible and hurtful - is this someone you have to tolerate a lot OP?

My FiL used to throw shade and me and asking him to repeat it threw him completely. I then said it back to him.

I sort of have to tolerate them as they are a close relative.

I responded to her mean message with a meme which was along the lines of thanks, I do my best.
No reply yet.

If said in person I would go along with - Thank you , always nice to hear someone else's opinion and leave it at that.

After a comment, go silent for a minute and stare at them then say "did you mean to be so rude?"

If they engage, follow up with a raised eyebrow. Chanel your inner 14 year old teen snarky self from back in the day and wither him/her with looks of disdain rather than engaging in the 'your comments hurt my feelings' because they KNOW that and that is why they do it.

Look down on them. Turn your back emotionally and physically or my fav is to mutter something really rude and cheeky under your breath so when they ask you what you said you can give them a big grin and say "oh, nothing that wasn't well deserved".

Also - "Bye, Felicia" works too...

“Enough!” + hard stare & silence.

My FiL used to always do it when he got pissed at evening dinner and one night I just snapped and thought 'no more'. He didn't approve of me being a SAHM, but our toddler v clearly had visible special needs by that age and I was his full time carer. So when the comment came about MiL not having things as easy as me when their son was a toddler because she had to work (p/t) I said 'Sorry, I didn't catch that, what did you say?' And he then had to repeat his pig ignorant comment while his face got redder and redder. I said 'Yes, but you also had family providing free childcare, so that must've been quite a boon'

I left the table at that point pretending I could hear DC upstairs. Next day he was sheepish as fuck. And good, because for years I'd had him pointedly offering me and nobody else puddings in restaurants (I'm fat) and I'd had enough of his shit.

If it's messages a simple 👍🏽 is the best.